Hi Pegasus , I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here and for the pain you feel in life. That said, the adages about "the grass is greener" and "want the things you can't have the most" are completely true. The number of people in their forties that do not have sex is in no way small. The number of lonely people in the world is staggering. I am not going to say you can have the things you are talking about as being problems- but lack of sex /size of genitalia/ non functioning genitalia/ all perfectly functioning no partner/ whatever situation is far from rare or unique. People that are alone and not married or children is well over 20% -a billion and half people. Now it sucks when things are not an option and were not your choice or in your ability to control- but love is not about sex, and many people willfully choose not to have sex and yes- it is much nicer if it is a choice rather than something out of your control- but you are right in the saying "everything seems to be about sex"- but that is media and Hollywood and not real life- in other words it is fiction and bs.
While conventional sex may not really work for you, a real relationship with love is not out of the question if you do not decide that you do not want it because of something like that. You would find a LOT of women that would be very pleased to have a loving relationship that did not include sex if that was what you chose to look for. Sadly media and society has made sex into something far greater than it is - but the real purpose of and use for sex is intimacy- which is not precluded by lack of sexual relations- particularly as people get older and their hormone levels are naturally toned down to a level more in line with where yours come based on a genetic condition out of your control.
I am very aware my words saying this mean nothing to you, compared to your 40 + years of observation and desire for something that seems impossible or out of reach. However i am also speaking as somebody that is aware of what it is that you are missing and I am not depending on an over-hyped concept for what it is. The great number of people with little/no sexual interest tend to keep silent. If you look around on dating sites you will see plenty of women interested in non -sexual relationships-
Graham says the study also showed that "of women who entered menopause naturally as a result of aging, 52.4 percent confirmed very low/ no levels of desire. By contrast, 26.7 percent of women still getting their periods and 39.7 percent of women in menopause because of surgical interventions (removal of the ovaries) found themselves without sexual urges."
So get away from media/Hollywood/internet hype and even in prime youth over 1 in 4 women have little/no interest in sex. That does not change your interest/desire, or the fact you feel like you are missing out on something, I am not going to claim you are not, and yes, that sucks. But there are a great many things people miss out on in life for a gazillion reasons- - and no single thing makes life meaningless or gives it meaning. You do not need to be alone- now or forever, you can have a very conventional relationship on the terms that are appreciated by the woman you are with as opposed to her feeling like she is obligated to something she does not desire or enjoy.
You listed other issues, but I do think most seem to come from your esteem problem based off this issue. I do hope, while not expecting you to change your mind about the importance, you would consider if life could be more worthwhile if instead of going after something you are convinced is impossible for you, you instead work on filling the void of loneliness by somebody that is not bothered by the lack of sex in a relationship and would in fact appreciate it. Compared to many other difficult situations (blindness, deafness, paraplegic/quadriplegic and hundreds more, plus the many many other conditions that make sex impossible) you are actually on fairly good if not better setting. That does not mean you are wrong for feeling pain, or that you should not, and I am not trying in anyway to diminish by comparison, simply to point out that your esteem and self identity does not have to be completely ruined by this issue- you can still have your esteem, and your self identity is not based on sexual ability or prowess - any more than anybody else's is.