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I think its time, Im losing the fight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by abusedbeauty24, Jul 25, 2013.

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  1. abusedbeauty24

    abusedbeauty24 New Member

    Molested as a child by grandfather
    Then again by a neighbor
    Painfully shy in my teen adult years
    in my early twenties
    No relationship with father
    Currently in a long term relationship with a man who abuses me on a weekly basis
    I dont do drugs i dont drink i dont look for trouble
    My boyfriend tried to shoot me last year and
    I found out hes on sex websites which he denies
    He has put his hands on me and i dont know why i stay
    Also my memories are to painful and I
    dont know how to move forward anymore
    im exhausted emotionally,physically,i feel used worthless, my bf likes to put me down
    im also very poor can anyone plz help should i end this life
  2. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    Jesus, I wish I could line up every sexual abuser on the planet and have my way with them. Pieces of shit. Sorry that happened to you.

    If you need someone to talk to, that won't abuse you in any way, shape or form...feel free to PM me. I'll do my best to help.

    P.S. - You've probably heard this before, but don't ever feel like any of that stuff happened to you because of you. It's not your fault. Those people are just pieces of shit.
  3. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    never heard of this one. sorry.
  4. Amthorn

    Amthorn Member

    I know it is hard when your mind and heart are only full of pain and sadness. Maybe if you could reach out to your father he would help you. I know that if you were my daughter I would do whatever I could, even if we were not close. blood is thicker than water. Dying is a release I know but we really don't know what is after this life, unfortunately, it might be worse. that is one thing that keeps me from it, though I think about it daily
  5. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Abusedbeauty24,
    This is not your fault, you do not deserve to be abused by anybody. Please get out this situation, you have to leave him and cut contact as he is hurting you. When you have been abused in the past/present you are more vulnerable and often get trapped in more abusive relationships. You are worth something and this will stop. Can you stay with family if it is safe to do so? Stay with friends? Or go to a local domestic violence charity/shelter that will help you escape.
    Please report him, so his gun license is taken away and he learns he can't behave this way.
    I do understand and lots of others will, please let us help you. Search online for your local area for a charity/shelter if you have no where safe to go. Block him etc if he calls you. You will find someone loving, just look for signs of an abuser in any relationship. I am here for you anytime.
    Please tell us you have escaped and are safe.
    Your pain will heal, you will need professional help or help from others on here.
    Take care
  6. John B

    John B Active Member

    The typical problem for people that have been through a similar situation as yours is that they believe, on some level, that no one else will ever love them. Only you can confirm if that’s the reason you refuse to leave your abusive and dangerous boyfriend. You should know that you have a subconscious issue with human males. It started with the betrayal of the grandfather, mistrust caused by the neighbour and abandonment issue from the father, all of which will cause the relationship problems you’re dealing with now. Rape is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. The mental and physical impact it has are devastating while the scars it leaves behind are permanent. If your boyfriend knows about your past and treats you in the manner that you described then there is a potential that he no longer views you as a human being. That you’re an object that’s always available for him to use, abuse and discard if he finds something better.

    You should prepare an escape plan; an affordable residence in a safe neighbourhood that’s within a decent commute from your place of employment. File a report with your local law enforcement, female office in sex crimes or domestic abuse, so if anything happens or is attempted they will have a detailed record of your situation. It might be possible to ask the officers to detain your boyfriend at his workplace while you pack and move out. The point I’m trying to emphasize is that you seriously need to get out before something permanent happens. Sorry I couldn’t be of more assistance.

    -I do not know enough to have a valid opinion.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,
    I am sorry to hear you have been through so much hurt and pain in your life. I would strongly advise you to leave this violent boyfriend of yours. Or are you scared to leave considering he did try to shoot you? You sound like you are in so much pain, but trust me.. you aren't alone. Keep reaching out for help. You matter and you are just as important as the next person. Best of luck to you.
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