I think it's time?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by empty101, Feb 15, 2008.

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  1. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    About 6 months ago I posted under a different name that I'm giving myself "8 months at most".
    Was going to see if this year something would change and I would be happy. Well nothing changed. The more I live the more people I see the more I realize I just won't be happy amungst everyone. I wouldn't be happy on my own either. So the only logical choice is to end my life.

    I've done a lot of research into god the last few months and came to the conclusion that he doesn't exist. If he does exist he isn't all-powerful or he isn't all-good. (omnipotent and omnibenevolent)

    I told a friend of mine how I had suicide on my mind. She tried to persuade me to live. I argued to her that it makes sense if you're unhappy but I never really went into how unhappy I am. I'm going to try to tell my parents this reading week and maybe explain that I am unhappy and I must do this (I might try to avoid telling them I'm actually going to kill myself).

    Researched a method a while ago. Guess I'll go buy what I need after the break. Then just under a month from now it should all be over.

    I have nothing I enjoy, no where to go, nothing and no one to live for. A part of me wants to live but I really believe things can't get better deep down inside and I can't be happy.

    thanks for reading... needed to get all that out
  2. kimailis

    kimailis Active Member

    there is no happiness in the outside world, the only happiness that you will experience will come from you if you want it, sitting and looking for happiness or just waiting for it to come will never make you happy, it doesnt work that way.
    the only thing that will make you happy now is you, create happiness of your own and accept it from others.
  3. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    I've tried to find happiness and failed. I'm done making myself more miserable. I'd rather just end it.
  4. kimailis

    kimailis Active Member

    see? you cant find happiness, you can only create it.
    try to feel happy by yourself, try very hard, try to be happy that your home isnt burning, try to be happy for other, try to be happy that you are alive till now and that you are strong enough, feel confident in yourself.
  5. britt2001

    britt2001 New Member

    its time myself. just don't know how to go about research.
  6. Peppermint

    Peppermint Member

    That may be true but it's pointless to say a thing like that to someone who's suicidally depressed. Might make them feel even worse for being losers who can't change their lives and create happiness.

    You can only start to turn things around once you're healthy and stable enough for it. If you aren't... well, then no cheering in the world is going to make a difference. Depression creates the hopelessness and helplessness that make it nearly impossible to create some sort of happiness just cause we want it to be created.
  7. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    Yea all he really said was "you must magically make yourself happy".

    I've given up on happiness.
  8. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    itisnt time hun and a new name doesnt always protect who you may be, if im wrong then this will be a confusing message but if not it show i dod know you and we have a promise to fight together its hard and when people are in this black place its hard to find a way to crawl out see! what could be but give yourself a little more time, there are people that would miss you a great deal and if you are who i think you are id be devesated, if you are not who i think you arei would still be very very sad as life is only given once and yes it can be tough at times but at least people here are able to understand and support you through this im happy to try and help pm me
    DONT do thisxxxx
  9. You can't 'make' yourself 'happy', it's a case of trying to foresee a time when you will not be 'un-happy', or at the very least, a time when you can cope with your un-happiness.

    Depression has a nasty habit of denying you this foresight, but every now and again the heaviness lightens, and you are, to a certain degree, given a glimpse of a 'normal' existence (what ever 'normal' is) a glimpse of a place were you want to be.

    Obviously that place isn't crystal clear, you can't just walk towards it and 'be there', what you see is a vagueness of 'normality' but it has colours and shapes has form and a hint of reality.

    What you have been given a glimpse of, is a different future, a place that is better than where you are, a place were you can cope, and eventually forget the heaviness you feel.
    I believe the above conjures up the word 'hope' but the word hope is a pretty weak word, it doesn't hold up to what I’m saying, hope can disappear as quick as it came. This is not about hope', it's about reason, as what you experience in these brief moments of clarity/lightness, is reason.
  10. pix

    pix New Member

    ive written from my own feelings which seem quite similar in some ways so this is without any cliches or anything that may seem patronising

    ive found life very difficult to stomach myself and when ive thought ive found happiness ive realised that that i was wrong, ive always been told things will get better when things really just change location and situation but still life is full of the same disappointments, ive felt that its easy to say 'there is hope yet', as of course there is, but it doesnt mean that anything can change the person you are, unhappiness is a state of mind that i personally have no authority to advise how to get over.

    but yet, i am not a person of any secure religious belief, but i am certainly not one to rule out anything higher then myself in this cruel existence (i think that there is just too in this life that i dont know and dont understand to make a firm conclusion about anything, let alone the great mysterys of the universe).if you are religious then when you die you have somethig to believe you will go towards, if you aren't...and you believe there is nothing, then surely this life is all you have and surely then the will to help yourself to lift up from your unhappy state of mind should consume your entire being.

    good luck, and do not let something defeat you that you really can change.
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