I think it's time...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ~Heather~, Oct 12, 2010.

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  1. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    I'm setting a date, considering I don't do it tomorrow.
    I have everything I need and the time to do it. The most important person in the world to me is still willing to cast me aside for his family. He won't do anything to defend me.
    I haven't asked him to choose or anything, but when they treat me badly he won't do anything about it. I just have to bite my tongue in hoping that one day they won't hate me as much as my family does.
    I want to leave everything behind. I'm so tired of this.

    I guess no matter what I do I'm the bad person. The choices my boyfriend makes are my fault. Everything that goes wrong is my fault.

    I won't have any impact on anyone's life when I leave. I'm sure I'll be forgotten. I don't want them to remember me anyway. I don't want them to hate me when I'm dead too. I just don't want to exist anymore and have everyone forget me.

    My date is Nov. 12, same as my birthday. It seems appropriate. Exactly one month from now.
    My method will be peaceful, like falling asleep and being numb.
    I won't have to feel it anymore.
  2. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    Hang on Heather! Just hang on as hard as you can!

    No, you aren't the bad person. Nothing that goes wrong is your fault.
    Don't forget that you'll have an impact on everyones life if you leave! Nobody will ever forget you.

    Is there some specific reason you chose your date of birth as the day?

    Also, I'm afraid to say that most methods that get the names peaceful, harmless, etc. will leave you alive in conditions 5x worse than they are now.

    (I'm terribly sorry if I'm not being helpful. :( )
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    His family sounds moronic to me. Don't listen to them - he should be defending you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2010
  4. Helba

    Helba Member

    Hun, I am sorry that is all befalling you, I can't even imagine the grief you are in right now. I was once in a similar situation and my first thoughts were the same and they stuck with me for far to long. I attempted and failed. I pray that you don't attempt but keep reading my words, it will only take a second. I still very much love the woman who left, and it's been a year now. Many months since we talked. But I hung onto the fact that I did love someone. I know it's not easy, I can say I have thoughts too. But maybe just maybe you can hold onto that love even if he is not there. Because one day a very special guy will find you, and you will mean the world to him.
  5. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    Thank you all but I'm not sure I can go on in a world like this.
    I try so hard to get people who should love me unconditionally, to love me at all. I truly believe I must have done something to deserve this. I don't understand how they could treat me this way. They will never stop, my family nor his will ever give a second thought on my death.

    There is no real particular reason to me wanting to die on my birthday. I've just always wanted to die on my birthday or on the 12th of any other month. Just because.

    The medicine I have is strong, causes drowsiness, and kills pain. That is just one pill. I have 16 left. It may not be enough so I'll mix it with other things. It really will put me to sleep. I won't wake up.
  6. StarryNightSky

    StarryNightSky Well-Known Member

    Have you talked to him about it, told him how it hurts? If you did, then maybe you should start asking yourself if the pain is worth it.

    Or at least figure out a way to avoid his family. You deserve to be treated better than that.

    Please stay safe.
  7. dontwannabeme

    dontwannabeme Well-Known Member

    i just got your pm heather :(
    Add me ok ill be on for when you do :)

  8. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    dontwannabe, this is a prolife site.
  9. dontwannabeme

    dontwannabeme Well-Known Member

    wtf is that for a comment pete seriously im trying too help someone and i get your comment?
    piss off
  10. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    im sorry that i misunderstood and jumped to conclusions, peace to all
  11. dontwannabeme

    dontwannabeme Well-Known Member

    its ok im happy were back too being on a speaking term :)
    it can happen too anyone of us and i overreacted aswel.

    peace be with you aswel mr pete ;)
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