I think I've had enough

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by As_daylight_dies, Aug 15, 2016.

  1. As_daylight_dies

    As_daylight_dies New Member

    i was in a head on car crash 2 weeks ago.everyones told me I'm lucky to be alive and lucky that I was more or less unhurt.

    What they don't know is, I wish I had died!!

    If only they knew that what they call luck, I call some cruel prank to keep me on this planet and continue my torture. If only they knew that it would have released me from the agony my life seemingly brings to me every dam day.

    So now whilst I sit here trying to make sense of why I'm even bothering to try and sort all this insurance crap out as its getting me nowhere and has left me in an even greater mess than I was already in. I think about the happy times and to be perfectly honest it was all a fucking act anyway, that's all I do, lie and act like I'm happy to make sure they are kept blissfully unaware of my torment, which contented me somewhat as although I die a little inside everytime I laugh and force a smile, they are happy and I had done my job of making them happy and keeping my feelings under wraps.

    But frankly I've had enough of it, Nothing has ever gone right for me and as far as I'm concerned nothing ever will after this.

    I'm not drunk, I'm not on drugs. I'm perfectly clear headed

    I'm done
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi AdD and welcome to SF. I am Mr OKAY Thnx because it what I always say when asked. Who the fuck wants to hear me whinge on about how I feel like shit and I would prefer to be dead [failed on that as well] and my life is just scrwed up etc etc. As soon as you start to tel them the truth, you can see their eyes glaze over and they lose all interest in the conversation. So I can completely empathise with you on that score.

    So its a shitty time right now, I get it, I really do. But go and read around the forum and see just ho many of us are also having a shitty time right now. You are not alone and never will be around here. I reached a point where I knew I had had enough as well. 7 days later and I woke up, the bastards had somehow saved me. You dont really want to experience that, trust me.

    So what can we do and what can you do to improve matters? In the short term, its all about finding some stability and purpose. In the long term its about recovery and management. If you haven't seen a doctor, you need to see one ASAP and talk to them openly about whats going on. You need to stop the decline into the hole so that you can start to find a way out of it. You survived that crash for a reason. I survived 2 attempts for a reason. We both haven't got a freakin clue right now what that reason is, but we are both still here.

    SF is here for you as a community. We all pull together and support each other through all the crap that makes up or daily lives. You wont be judged, fuck that, you wont be ridiculed, although my sense of humour can get a bit much sometimes. If you are as clear headed as you say you are, you will realise you are not done yet, since coming here is actually a new start to a better life, if you want it to be.
  3. As_daylight_dies

    As_daylight_dies New Member

    Hi sinisterkid. Thanks for replying so quickly.

    Strictly speaking I'm not a new member but thanks for the welcome :) it's my first time actually posting something but I've been lurking for years. I signed up during another tough time I was having and was about to post a similar thread to this one back then but then I started reading what other people were going through and I realised my problems weren't quite as bad so held off posting as I figured somebody taking the time answering me might take away from someone else in a more serious situation than I was at the time. Eventually I managed to overcome the abject misery I felt back then myself without posting. but just reading wasn't helping tonight as I simply lack the energy to even bother trying without some help from the forums personally as it were.

    I have seen a doctor about this, I admit it was quite some time ago but I imagine the answer will be the exact same one as I got back then

    Sorry but we can't help!

    Because I'm employed full time, not homeless, have a car ( well had ) and not an immediate threat to myself or others all they would do was give me some breathing exercises. So not a lot of help, I've been breathing for 25 years I fail to see how doing it with my tongue curled up is going to help.

    I will certainly look into it again though but I like I said I don't hold much hope for any medical help.

    like I said I've been lurking for ages and reading other people's threads and the replies they had got from you guys have always helped me regain some clarity on my own situation but tonight however I felt I needed to reach out as I don't really have anyone else that would understand.

    I really hope I can begin to rebuild and fill in the pit of misery that's opened up beneath me again but this feels like it's going to be an especially tough one for me. It's nice knowing that I can come her and not be judged as I often worry about how I come across especially at a time like this. I guess I'm just awkward like that.

    Hopefully all this makes sense

    Thanks again
  4. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Everyones problems/issues are as important as the next, no one gets priority, everyone tries to help everyone else. Whilst I admire the sentiment, if you have something on your mind, no matter how small or trivial you think it is, then SF is the place to let it go.

    If you do manage to talk to someone, you have to be brutally honest, with yourself as much as with them. Its not a easy thing to do for a lot of people, but its the only way to resolve anything. I would say that if you are having suicidal ideations, then you are potentially a huge threat to yourself. To say otherwise is downright BS.

    If you think you can handle it all yourself, kudos to you, but dont be afraid, through shame or pride to ask for help.