I think I've lost something

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Prinnctopher's Belt, Dec 2, 2009.

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  1. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    I'm sensing some apathetic air about me, and sometimes it helps, but most times, it's out of place.

    I work in social services at a major non-profit organization in D.C. A woman walked in a few weeks ago for help. She was being abandoned by her then-husband, and father of her two toddler-aged children. She was being evicted, and about to have her utilities cut off. Family members were unwilling to help her and the children. She was sad and crying right in front of me, just she and I in a room. I deal with this kind of struggle amongst my clients everyday, but she was what I believed to be at the edge.

    She said to me, "I'm just about to give up. I've had it. I can't go on any longer, I want to give up" and it went on and on, and I just knew she wanted to kill herself. I was fearing for her children. In one hand, I wanted to tell her "go ahead and do it, but make sure you have some secure arrangement for your kids, first."

    The very fact that I even was a slip of the tongue close to damn near encouraging her to just "go ahead, it'll relieve your worries," made me realize just how sad I am, seemingly to the point of no longer being able to falsely tell others that they should keep living. What the hell for? If I can't convince myself, how can I try to convince someone else?

    I felt terrible about it, but at the moment, I was so apathetic...I didn't even notice how wrong it would be to say that until "Well..." just came out of my mouth, and I realized I may lose my job, and just ended up saying instead, "Well...you have your children to think about. Think about their safety" or something to that effect.

    The same thing happened today, but it seems I've been able to tame it so far and am learning to tell people that they should hold on. I simply don't know what else to say. I don't know how to bond with people. One of my friends from college once told me some years ago that I'm too "matter-of-fact" and don't take into consideration that it's better to make others feel good, even if you have to lie.

    It's so damn hard to do.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Depression and combat fatigue are a real pip...been there...I felt like say, XXX I got my own problems, knowing it was the burnout/wornout speaking...how about taking some time off for yourself and getting you back in track...you cannot give what you do not have...big hugs, J
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree you are burn't out taking sometime off just to get help for you for awhile will help your clients in the long run. Not your fault your this way you need time away for awhile. burnout is very common place with people who care for others every day. Recoginize it is time now to just take a few days off so you can come back in a better mind frame.
  4. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Sometimes time off is all you need. But some employers aren't very negotiable. Got a business to run :/
  5. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Your job and work is hard. You're not gonna be criticized for doing your best and try or do good to others. You can't save the whole wold. Sometimes being a little selfish allows you to be 10 times more generous then. Exhaustion is a real sign to slow down. :hugtackles:
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