I don't cut. I don't do drugs. However I posted this in the self harm forum, because that is what I have been doing. I drink. And I smoke, cigarettes. I suffer from a couple of different maladies including, diverticulitis, and a hyatial hernia. My Paternal Grandfather also died of emphasema. I have smoked since I was 13. I am 42 years old now. I smoke approx 1 1/2 packs a day. Lately and this in the past couple of months, I have been getting a smokers cough EVERY morning. And there are days when it is harder to get rid of it than others. And even when I get it controlled, I still get a tickle in my throat from time to time thoughout the day. I prolly should go in for a lung xray, but I dont want anymore medical bills I cant afford. Now on to the drink. I started drinking when I was 15. This last relaspe, bender etc...has started to cause me real pain in my abdomen, or somewhere in that region. I have lost my appetite in the mornings and the only thing that seems to calm the pain is more alcohol. I prolly need to get a blood test to make sure the ole liver is working...but...I dont want anymore medical bills I cant afford. So...I guess I have been self harming for a long time.