I think Maybe I Have Over Done It

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Godsdrummer, Mar 6, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I don't cut. I don't do drugs. However I posted this in the self harm forum, because that is what I have been doing.

    I drink. And I smoke, cigarettes.

    I suffer from a couple of different maladies including, diverticulitis, and a hyatial hernia.

    My Paternal Grandfather also died of emphasema.

    I have smoked since I was 13. I am 42 years old now. I smoke approx 1 1/2 packs a day.

    Lately and this in the past couple of months, I have been getting a smokers cough EVERY morning. And there are days when it is harder to get rid of it than others. And even when I get it controlled, I still get a tickle in my throat from time to time thoughout the day.

    I prolly should go in for a lung xray, but I dont want anymore medical bills I cant afford.

    Now on to the drink.

    I started drinking when I was 15. This last relaspe, bender etc...has started to cause me real pain in my abdomen, or somewhere in that region. I have lost my appetite in the mornings and the only thing that seems to calm the pain is more alcohol.

    I prolly need to get a blood test to make sure the ole liver is working...but...I dont want anymore medical bills I cant afford.

    So...I guess I have been self harming for a long time.
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    FPS I think smoking and drinking can most definitely qualify as self-harm, though it's not as immediate as other forms. Of course for chronic sufferers like you and I...why not add the long term damage.

    I don't smoke (get an x ray please, preventative medicine is cheaper), but I do a lot of drinking. I started drinking at 21 and I mostly did it to copy older images of men in bars. Thing is I started copying my favorite writer's drinking habits and now at 25 I'm starting to suffer from abdominal pain on occasion - needless to say, both you and I should cut back on the drinking. As you well know, long term use of alcohol first bolsters the liver and kidney then later on, ruins it. Fitzgerald and Kerouac were heavy drinkers who died in their forties - Faulkner was hospitalized several times for his drinking.

    Now I drink to appear like a writer - it doesn't make sense I know - but also to mimic the problems they had. Of course, the good ones had a brief heyday in their late twenties/early thirties before dying miserable deaths; one of their more attractive qualities. However, Capote, Fitzgerald, and I believe Hemingway's stomach pain was relieved by cutting down on alcohol. Maybe you can cut down, bit by bit?

    Add a bit more vermouth to the martini, more tonic water, less whiskey in your soda...things like that?
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