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I think my father is having an affair

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by bonnevie, Jul 20, 2015.

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  1. bonnevie

    bonnevie Member

    Hi guys.

    I've been in denial about this for a few weeks now, because the thought of it actually being true is pretty unbearable to me, but I think my dad might be cheating on my mum.

    Both my dad and mum work in the same place, and they have a co-worker, who I will call Rachel. My dad is a supervisor, as is Rachel, so they work together more often than they do with my mum. They also work longer hours than my mum does, so there are times when Dad is out still at work while Mum is back home.

    Lately, Dad has been staying later than usual or picking up extra shifts he wouldn't normally do, all with reasons that sound like excuses. He blames his extra workload on the company he works for, saying that they are forcing him to do more work. This does actually sound reasonable, as the company he works for is known for being pretty unfair on its employees. However, I am now starting to have trouble believing him.

    He also spends a great deal of time sending text messages to Rachel, laughing and talking about her constantly whenever she gets in contact. He says that these texts are mainly work-related. I can accept that they could just be good friends, but Dad texts this woman more than a teenage boy texts his crush.

    Speaking of texts, there was a time I accidentally caught a glimpse of his phone whilst he was writing out a message to Rachel. I didn't see it all, but I made out one unfinished line, which was "see you later puppy". Dad noticed that I saw this, and noticed that I was frowning after having seen it (I was confused). He began to act very bizarrely, massively out of character, like he was nervously trying to change the subject. We were in a supermarket at the time, and he just randomly started talking to me about fruit. After a few minutes, he said "Rachel is puppy sitting for a friend". I figured that would explain his strange text, sure, but after a while, it stuck in my mind and I don't quite believe him again.

    And lastly, is what is happening today. Rachel has to attend court today, in a town about 20 miles away. Dad has offered to drive her all the way there and back. I can't remember the exact reason for Rachel needing to attend court (nothing bad) but I remember being told it would only take half an hour while she was there, tops. It has now been two hours and I've heard nothing from Dad.

    I have a strong urge to check Dad's phone, but he's pretty protective over it these days. There are times when he leaves it to charge, and that would be the only time I could have access to it without alerting suspicion. However, I don't want to pry into someone else's business just because I have this nagging thought in my mind that may not even be true. On the other hand, if it is true, I would like to know about it. My mum doesn't deserve to be left in the dark about this, my mum doesn't deserve to be cheated on and deceived.

    I just want it all to be in my head. I hope someone out there who reads this will just think I'm being silly, that they're just friends and nothing more. I've lived 24 years knowing only what it is like to have married parents who stuck with each other, I honestly wouldn't know how to react if that suddenly changed.

    Any advice or anything would be incredible, I'm pretty lost right now.
    Thank you,
    Jen :)
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    It's certainly a difficult situation. I certainly wouldn't advocate checking his phone as it's an invasion of his privacy plus if you find something you don't like or something that really shouldn't be for your eyes, then it can be very, very upsetting. How does your mum feel? Does she think there is something off or wrong? Have you actually confronted your dad and asked him outright? There may be a legitimate reason. He may deny it. Your parents might know something and haven't told you, maybe because it only affects them. I know they are your parents but they still have their own private life. I would probably ask your dad about what's happening, tell him what's running through your mind.
  3. bonnevie

    bonnevie Member

    Hi Butterfly, thank you for your response, sincerely. I think your perspective has shaken some sense into me. Of course my parents have their own private lives and of course I shouldn't go snooping, I don't know what I was thinking. I think I was a little blinded by how upsetting the situation is making me, even though it could possibly be all in my own head and not true at all. I haven't done anything out of line, and I haven't spoken to anyone else about this yet. I struggle to have any kind of emotional conversation with my father as we are simply not attached in that way, so I don't see myself talking to him about it any time soon. I guess I'll keep my head down for the time being, think things through so I don't do anything irrational. I try to make sure both my mum and my dad are in high spirits, as they have been rather stressed lately with all kinds of problems and the last thing I'd want to do is add to that.

    I'll be sure to come back here if I need to talk things out with someone, this site is great for things like this. In the meantime, I'm going to keep my nose out and hope that my fears will simmer down. If not, then I guess all I can do is talk it out with my dad, which I will not be looking forward to.

    Thanks again Butterfly.

    Jen :)
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