I think my mom is suicidal and Im really scared

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by sailout, Mar 14, 2010.

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  1. sailout

    sailout New Member

    Im 17.

    She and my dad are in a pretty low part of their marriage right now too: last night, they got into another one of their fights (which are pretty consistent and inevitably ends in my mom bawling and my dad screaming/throwing stuff and the last time, almost choking her if I had not threatened to call 911). She got really drunk, which was a first for her, and started on a four hour drunken rant - nonstop crying and saying everything that came to mind and she's been too afraid to say to my dad before while i sat by her and held her - like how she hates her parents (her dad physically abused her until university), that my dad doesn't love her, he still loves his mother, she's wasted 20 years on him, she's failed at being a woman, etc.. but the most horrifying thing - that she's been thinking to herself when she's alone how she feels like she's lived enough and wants to die, how she's going to see the doctor this month about something that's growing on her uterus or something and how she isn't scared, because she wants to die now anyway. She kept saying she was sorry to me because I'm such a good daughter and she wanted to see me marry and see her grandkids, etc.

    Today, she is back to her normal self (if not slightly embarrased from the night before) and seemed to have forgotten much of what she said. I HOWEVER have NOT. My relationship with my mom hasn't been the greatest (they immigrated to here when i was six so I speak fluent english to her which she has hard time understanding but still tries to listen not like my dad who doesn't even bother, but that's a whole nother rant). She has some anger management issues which I have been hurt very much in the past, but have learned to not let it affect me as much now. Other than that, she's always been there and always loved me no matter what, supporting me like crazy, sacrificing so much for me, and always has my best interest at heart. I can't imagine living without her and I told her this and that I love her last night after she sobered up a bit. She promised me she won't do anything... but I'm scared to leave her alone. She works by herself because she has her own clinic which only started last year so she doesn't have that many patients yet.

    I'm leaving for university in the fall (about 1 hour away) living on residence so I'll only be home on weekends (some). I'm an only child and my mom has taken a lot of time to do a lot for me like driving me, cooking, helping etc.. She doesn't have any hobbies or interests - well, it was taking care of me for the past 17 ears, so once I leave, Im scared of what she'll do too.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    What an absolutely terrifying position to be in. It sounds like things are very overwhelming for your mum and that this has been building for a long time.

    Have you talked to your dad about what she said?

    Do you think maybe you could go with her to see a doctor?
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    This sounds pretty bad, and I'm sorry that you're involved in it with your parents...
    Though... coming from a family who split early on- the arguing; though it is horrible- sounds fairly common...
    It's not a good thing to call spousal abuse common, but from my own experience, I feel like it is.

    She needs to get some help- have someone to contact and talk to when these things happen. It would probably be very difficult for her to speak to you about it- but maybe another adult or a professional could help her?
  4. sailout

    sailout New Member

    My parents are immigrants and come come from a very conservative society though where people who have mental illness do not seek help from professionals, they sort of just keep it inside and become outcasted by society - sounds very stupid for lack of better word but I would never be able to convince her to see anybody. I do because I was brought up here.

    Also, my dad was beside her the whole time she was drunk, so he heard everything he had to say.

    I just spend a day with my friends and actually feel slightly better, I think it may have been because I spend so much time with my mom (being an only child and all) that I was scared my world was shattering just because she might disappear. While I admit it will be extremely hard to bear if something were to happen to her and I'll do whatever I can to prevent it, I can't let myself sink into a depression with her (and I'm sure its something she deesn't want either). So I think at the same time, I need to reach out to my friends more and establish a life outside my parents so that my world won't be so shaken by just one person. Ugh I hate feeling like this.
  5. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    have you tried to talk to your mom whenever you father isnt around ? maybe you could let her know how concerned you are and how it makes you feel.sorry to hear this, this must be a terrible situation
  6. sailout

    sailout New Member

    I always do talk to her after they fight.

    I don't know, I feel like I'm kind of angry at her, for doing this - she's always been such a structured and doesn't show a lot of emotion kind of woman, and she does this and now and... how could she leave me? Obviously she doesn't care enough about me to be willing to stick around to see me grow up and have kids and all that stuff. I remember she kept saying that she feels like she's lived enought over and over, that she doesn't see the point of living anymore. Isn't your mom supposed to love you and protect you from harm?!?! She's made me feel so depressed these past few days - bawling everytime the flashback of that night strikes - which is a lot! I know I probably sound veryyyy self absorbed right now but still... my parents should have given a crap about me before they went on their stupid, drunken rampage. *ANGRY*
  7. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    sounds like your mother is suffering a depression, she doesnt sound very healthy saying she thinks she has lived enough. this must be hard for you. you should be feeling safe with your parents but this is a receipt for depression if you dont have one allready. im very sorry to hear this sad story.i am not sure what advice to give you, i am not best at giving advices but i realy feel for you
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2010
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