I think of ending my life 24 hours a day HELP

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by marco4432, Oct 15, 2011.

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  1. marco4432

    marco4432 Member

    Hi all, within the last year I have had three surgeries, all surgeries have failed two torn meniscus surgeries, last one was denervation of knee, I'm in constant pain seems to get worse after each failed surgery, DRs cant help me .the chronic pain is getting me so depressed I don't know how much longer I can go on, I work on my feet have reduced my schedule to one shift every other day, The surgeons operate then cant tell me why procedure failed then they dump me off to a Pain managment Doc. I have tried every Medication currently on Fentanly Patch 100, 4 x 15 Oxycontin , percocet. Any help or advice would be greatly appreiated, otherwise I'm done , I just cant take the constant knee pain all the time HELP HELP
     
  2. yd4

    yd4 Member

    I'm sorry your having terrible knee pain, I wish I could take away your pain, I'm not sure how to help but I don't want you to die =(. Survive please.
     
  3. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    I know it sounds silly, but meditation is HUGE help to me. I have had knee cap replacement, as well as a slipped disk that it constantly slipping back out after it's put back into place. I also have epilepsy, and regularly dislocate my shoulders and hips during seizures, I don't even go to the hospital for it anymore, I just pop them back in myself and guided meditation is my only source of relief. I bought some CDs that help a great deal, here is a link where you can find some, you can also find some guided meditation clips on youtube. http://www.wildmind.org/applied/pain
    I hope this helps you. Good luck.
     
  4. marco4432

    marco4432 Member

    Thanks for replying might give it a try (meditation acupunture ) I just fed up If I cant work cant get health insurance cant afford to live whats the point Seems like there only one way out
     
  5. pbobble

    pbobble Well-Known Member

    Hi sorry to hear your in such emotional and physical pain. I think meditation and mindfulness is a great idea it helps alot of people with pain issues and is backed by lots of research. Especially good for the chronic pain conditions. It can also help the depression as well. Theres plenty of resources about, John Kabot Zinn has some good information on mindfulness, he has used well with cancer patients for pain and depression.

    I have also had success with hypnosis for pain control, having had alot of painful sports injuries. Also massage has helped me with pain relief and injury control, although I'm not sure whether this will help with your condition. I had and still havin serious rotator cuff problems, but with massage and physio and certain exercises, I have avoided surgery so far. These surgeries carry big risks, I think sometimes the DRs don't inform people properly.

    Please consider getting treatment for your depression also, this may help you feel better, whether thats therapy medication or both. I'm not sure what seems most appropriate for you.

    Good luck
     
  6. clairedelune

    clairedelune Well-Known Member

    Hi there. In case you might need help from a student nurse, I might suggest some nonpharmacologic ways to get rid of the pain you're going through. And I'm really sorry to hear it. There are really a various ways aside from medications. Why don't you try music therapy and other sorts of distraction? By the way, is the pain consistent or it disappears at times? It's really important to get rid of these physiological pains first because it might be the one causing your suicidal instincts. :hug:
     
  7. marco4432

    marco4432 Member

    Thanks for all of you that have spared the time to reply, I went to see a pyscatrist, the therapist seemed very concerned and set up an emergency appoitment with the physcatrist the same day , he however was just intersted in commiting me on a 72 hour hold without giving me the oportunity to plan ahead, so I left out the back door with no Meds or care, Its just money there interested in, not even a follow up call from them, I was completly surprised at his comments and lack of empathy, wish I had not made the effort to seek treatment, it just made me more depressed, oh well such is life nobody cares.

    my last surgeon who did the failed denervation surgery has refered me to another pain doc, I'll see im on friday i'll pay the 25 bucks entrance fee, then let him bill my insurance company as mush as possible, whats the FUCKING point.

    I GIVE UP
     
  8. yd4

    yd4 Member

    you can't give up! you gotta stick in there! Do you have any family who you can rely on for income? or can you get disability? or is money not an issue?
     
  9. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    I know it sounds awful, but inpatient care for a few days can be very beneficial. (I was in for a few days last week, myself)

    Not only can they help get you on some medication and find what kind of therapy is right for you, but they will also help you get on government funded health insurance to cover the costs your current insurance wont cover, since you can't work, and most of the time, because depression comes with physical pain and visa versa, they can get you into physical therapy too. They can also teach you how to meditate effectivly and teach you other methods of pain and stress relief, like music therapy as mentioned above.

    And I wont lie, that few days away from the world is therapy all it's own. It's a well needed break from the world where you can just focus on yourself.

    I understand how frustrating it all is, I really do, but you are in my thoughts and I'm sending nothing but positive energy your way. If you ever want to talk or just vent and bitch and get it all off your chest, I'm here for you :) Sometimes just letting it all out and having a good cry with an understanding person is just what we need to make it through another day.
     
  10. marco4432

    marco4432 Member

    In responce, I have no familly no friends, work three shifts a week, in tears driving home from the pain getting disability takes years, sure you have heard it all before, just sitting here looking at my stash of prescibed drugs, should be enough, got to find my dog a good home then I'll have no ties book into the best hotel put do not disturb on the door. Been thinking as I have insurance might go to the emergency room see if they can find out whats wrong last chance I guess, who knows maybe find a Doc that might care, I doubt it. Thanks for all your kind words, goood luck to you all.
     
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