I think of life and I cry. I think of death and I cry.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mlxjaded, Aug 1, 2010.

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  1. mlxjaded

    mlxjaded Well-Known Member

    I don't want to live.
    Too scared to die.
    Help me.
  2. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    I'm beginning to see that you communicate in more cryptic terms than most people do, could you express why you don't want to live to me the best way you can? No matter what form that takes? It's difficult to help with eleven words to work from.

  3. mlxjaded

    mlxjaded Well-Known Member

    Not really sure what that means, though I am told quite often I express my thoughts differently.

    I wish I could explain.
    It's not one specific thing that is taking my will to live.
    My weight.
    My family.
    My job.
    My mind.

    Everything is wrong.
    It's unfixable.

    Death seems like the only option but fear is holding me back.
  4. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    You're never straightforward with your responses, but the pain still shows through is all.

    Somehow I got the sense that you're separate from these things, don't feel connected to them anymore. Those words seems to be spoken with a certain amount of detatchment. Is that accurate? The fear is there for a reason, it's not just some annoyance, a block in the road, it's a part of you yelling out for your pain to stop. You've just got to give that part of you a chance.

  5. mlxjaded

    mlxjaded Well-Known Member

    I have tried to change/get better.
    I feel desperate as nothing has helped.
    I've been to multiple therapists and psychologists and have been on different medications.
    I feel so helpless than I am submitting to this disease known as depression.

    I feel like I just made a huge mess out of this one life I was giving.
    I really don't deserve it.
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    You desrerve a good life. Just take a deep breathe and decide you are going to fix one area of your life then slowly do it.Then the next and the next. You will get better and all of this will be the past. PLEASE pray, I am for you. We will support you with love and friendship!!!!

  7. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    What is it that has kept you here this long? Do you have any family, or friends, that you can lean back on? Are you still going to therapy? Things always do feel terribly lonely in the middle of a hurricane, looking out at all of the wreckage and destruction. But in the wake of broken trees and collapsed buildings are new life ready to take its place, always there, always growing. Just have to remember that there is life and death inside of the hurricane, even though life seems so far away. Even the winds have to rest some time, and when they come back, you won't be in the center anymore. You become the life, the regrowth.

  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi mlx. Life is full of problems and challenges which we face on a daily basis. We are all afraid of death, because no one knows for certain what will happen after we die and we naturally fear the unknown. Depression is not a death sentence. You have to actively reclaim your life and beat your depression. If there are specific things in your life that you wish to improve (like your weight, job etc.) then try to improve them. Just don't give up. :hug:
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