I think perhaps this is my time.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Matt93, Oct 28, 2010.

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  1. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Thinking solely of suicide fills me with peace and contentment. Perhaps now it's my time. 16 years. A damn long time, as time on it's own, but one short life. One I will never regret too. Sure I did some shit I didn't want to do, but I did stuff I wanted to do too. At least I won't fear dying a virgin, like I feared for a while, because I've experienced sex. OVER-RATED. Yes, man's greatest pass time, I feel is over-rated. Good exercise though, considering, I can't actually climax, for some reason :/

    But yeah, suicide, I can't wait. 3-4 months of waiting, so I have enough anti-depressants to OD on, and after taking them, I'll jump from a bridge. Just to guarantee results. The thought's filling me with so much peace now, and people are going to tell me not to go, and to be honest, fine, I'll listen, but I won't follow. I've came to the conclusion that this is the best thing to do. My life is filled with such awful things, why should I put up with them? I shouldn't, sorry guys. Love you all.
  2. kizzybaby

    kizzybaby Well-Known Member

    People kill themselves because the pain they have, is greater that the resources they have to cope with it. Isnt there a way you can either lessen your pain, or find stronger ways to cope with it? I know sometimes it feels like you cant control it, but you have to remember that actually killing yourself, you can control. If you were to do that itd be your choice. Your 16, you have so much more to give, and so much more ahead of you than what youv had so far. And just think, if its all been so terrible up unitl now, surely you are due some good karma!?
    I Hope you are ok.
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Do you feel able to tell more about those feelings here or in private by PM? If so I'm listening
  4. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    There's nothing more to say really, this is what I want, and I find that talking about my problems seems only to worsen them. So this time, there's nothing more to talk about.

    However, I have a friend who claims she will follow me if I kill myself, and I do not want her to follow in suit, no matter how much I want to let go. So, I guess that I can't.
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So glad you found a reason to stay with us...have you sought help to see what interventions are available to you? also, please PM me if I can support you in any way...J
  6. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    It's no reason. It's like I'm being forced to stay
  7. KatyKate

    KatyKate Antiquities Friend

    Matt...I know how you are feeling...I have such dark days, and I really feel that after 14years of living with my MH issues and being crapped on by people I would rather be dead..but you know why I stay?...not for me...for those who love me and for those I love....sometimes I hate them (maybe a too strong word...maybe its resentment), but I can't put them through the hurt, even though my hurt is sometimes too much to bear..i go on....and then I have a good day..and think..maybe things will be alright....but rarely it doesn;t last...but i'm still here...and have thought of all the ways I could go and more...yet...I don't.....please PM me anytime because I truly do understand.
    Thinking of you Matt...hugs Kate xxxxx
  8. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    You may be feeling peaceful because you have come to a decision on life. Its the wrong decision, but its a decision. Do you think if you made that much effort into wanting to live and wanting to have a better life then trying to accomplish it would give you the same kind of peace?
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