I think the time is near.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by j86, Oct 12, 2007.

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  1. j86

    j86 Well-Known Member

    I've been plotting suicide for almost a week now. Not sure how i'll do it but i've been considering.

    I've felt so alone and my parents aren't even there for me. Well, they are but they don't understand my mental illnesses or anything about me.

    My sister isn't even there. She says she is but she doesn't understand.

    The pressure of college is also killing me inside. I can't continue my studies so I haven't been going for weeks.

    I cut last night for the first time in months.

    I'm slowly falling apart.

    I lost one of my best friends (not to death). I miss her and I think she abandoned our friendship.

    I'm tired of waiting to be on fucking meds!! I went in on the 1st and they usually at least give out samples for the time being but I'm a fucking mess without anything!! I can't take this!

    I'm scared about my blood work. I had to get 6 tests done. Something about my biliruben. It's always been high sine birth but it's gotten much higher over the years.

    Why is all this shit happening to me?! WHY ME?! I think sometimes people put a curse on me because i'm gay.

    My only saving grace was a guy from a couple towns away called me last night and he also has schizophrenia and he's around my age. We talked a bit on MSN last night about our problems and to get to know eachother. I could see us being friends so that's the only good thing that happened to me in a long time.
  2. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    See where this friendship goes before doing anything rash imo, a pal could make you feel a little better
  3. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    College stress can really drive a person insane. I remember, that was when I first seriously considered suicide. I'll never forget that day.

    Anyways, try to employ any trick you have to keep yourself calm for a while. Distract yourself with favorite movies, computer games, whatever works for you. Even if you feel too rotten to want any of that, sometimes it works to force oneself into it and then you are distracted if at least for a little while. Once you are on meds it takes quite a while for them to kick in. I don't want to discourage you, just to warn you so you don't quit them if they don't work soon. It can take over 2 months, as it did for me. And the side effects tend to taper off as the anti depressant effect gradually tapers on. Maybe do some reading on it so you know what to expect?

    Anyway, I know the feeling of having all your old friends disappear on you. It's happened to me, twice.

    I know it's an irritating cliche, but hang in there.
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