Well I'm not really seeing a point in life anymore. Didn't really a point to start with, but everyday it gets worse. No matter what happens I can always count on one thing, I'll be worse in the morning. People keep trying to tell me nothings that bad, happiness will come to me, and if it's meant to be, it will come back to me. Well then in that case, it took me 19 years to finally be ok, if even for a short while, because the entire time, there was always someone, or something right there to ruin it. People tell me I have to make my own happiness, and I can't rely on a person to do it for me. Then tell me why I was only happy with that one person, nothing else, no one else, its hell without her. People can't seem to leave my life alone long enough for it to be ok. Past dictates the future, and from my past, I don't want a future anymore. I just want everyone to know, I tried, I really did. I gave it my heart, soul, everything I could. Maybe I'm just not good enough for anything, who really knows. But I can't try anymore, my heart was ripped out and crushed in front of me, my soul is irreparable, I have nothing left. I don't want to be miserable and alone anymore, but it appears the two go hand in hand. I can't trust anyone anymore, nor can I ever get close to anyone again. Maybe I should have faced that fact long ago. I just want peace, that's it, with myself. I'm over wanting to be happy, and be able to share my life with anyone, that'll never happen again. Sadly I can only think of one way to do that. There's nothing I can do anymore to fix anything, no matter how hard I try it's the same outcome, it's the story of my life. I just don't care anymore. Live or die, I have my preference in. I've taken my rose colored glasses off, I'm not living in a false sense of hope anymore, the reality of this is, there is no future, at least not one worth having.