I think this is it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Anthony, Sep 2, 2009.

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  1. Anthony

    Anthony Active Member

    Well I'm not really seeing a point in life anymore. Didn't really a point to start with, but everyday it gets worse. No matter what happens I can always count on one thing, I'll be worse in the morning. People keep trying to tell me nothings that bad, happiness will come to me, and if it's meant to be, it will come back to me. Well then in that case, it took me 19 years to finally be ok, if even for a short while, because the entire time, there was always someone, or something right there to ruin it. People tell me I have to make my own happiness, and I can't rely on a person to do it for me. Then tell me why I was only happy with that one person, nothing else, no one else, its hell without her. People can't seem to leave my life alone long enough for it to be ok.

    Past dictates the future, and from my past, I don't want a future anymore. I just want everyone to know, I tried, I really did. I gave it my heart, soul, everything I could. Maybe I'm just not good enough for anything, who really knows. But I can't try anymore, my heart was ripped out and crushed in front of me, my soul is irreparable, I have nothing left.

    I don't want to be miserable and alone anymore, but it appears the two go hand in hand. I can't trust anyone anymore, nor can I ever get close to anyone again. Maybe I should have faced that fact long ago. I just want peace, that's it, with myself. I'm over wanting to be happy, and be able to share my life with anyone, that'll never happen again.

    Sadly I can only think of one way to do that. There's nothing I can do anymore to fix anything, no matter how hard I try it's the same outcome, it's the story of my life. I just don't care anymore. Live or die, I have my preference in. I've taken my rose colored glasses off, I'm not living in a false sense of hope anymore, the reality of this is, there is no future, at least not one worth having.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree! The future you describe is total crap and not worth it. But............
    the thing is we get to choose, we really do. It takes work but nothing is predestined. I changed my whole life around, and I do mean that literally and figuratively. What did I do? Well for starters I figured my silly mind had gotten me to where I was so whatever I had been doing before I did the opposite!!! Yep in a nut shell that is what I did. I told myself I would try my best for 30 days and that was it, well good things started to happen. Maybe cuz I was doing shit so differently? Maybe cuz it was time for them to just change? Maybe because of my distinct resolve? I don't know but the gotten better right away!

    So if all the stuff you have done in the past got you here...do things just the opposite! Makes sense to me.

    I know it is easier said than done and not as simple but a change is mindset is a HUGE step and so in being HERE, now you have understanding and support that you did not have before so I invite you to do as I did and give it another 30days of really trying and doing things a new way.
    WE are here for you 24/7 so reach out as you have done. Contact me in PM if you ever need to talk as I am slow with work and am often here...just write me.
    Hugs Bambi
  3. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Life can suck but it goes on.
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Anthony, i too was hurt by the only girl that i loved.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    There is no logic in what you want to do you need to talk with your doctor and see if you can get therapy or get on medication to change this mindset of yours. I like Bambi idea as well do everything in opposites so it does change the way you are thinking. Your life is yours and although you are feeling heart broken you need to get out socialize join groups so you can meet someone who truly cares for you and has your same interest. Killing yourself will get rid of any opportunity of ever finding the true one you are meant to be with. Get out go swimming at local pool Join a sports team Just go for a walk talk with people that is the only way to meet someone there a lots of people who are lonely and would love the chance to have someone for a companion.
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