I had another doctors appointment yesterday. It was to see if I still needed my meds. It seemed it went ok until this morning I got a call saying that there's going to be a meeting to see if I need to got into residential treatment AGAIN! I reeeeealy don't want to go back... let me rephrase that: I AM NOT GOING BACK. If I do I'll die, maybe not physically (but I can work on that), but in every other way. I can't live like that again. I can't stay and be admited, I can't run because I know I'll get caught. It seems there's only one other alternative. And it doesn't seem like it would be a bad thing either... it seems that my heart beat only brings more decay into this already rotting planet, that I'm only taking up space and wasting air. And plus, I've always wanted to die. I'm tired, and think I need to rest.