I think this might be the final crack.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by greyroses, Sep 30, 2013.

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  1. greyroses

    greyroses Well-Known Member

    I hate it, because I am far from home, in a place where no one knows me or cares about me, and I dont want to end here...but I dont think I can make it until I am able to go back home. I hate myself so much, and as much as I want to forgive myself for being such a fuck up, it seems like no one else is willing to let me. The cherry on top is, when Im found, those same people are just going to keep on talking about how Im am embarrassment or weak or whatever. God, I cant. I cant do this.
     
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hello, computer doesn't seem to be loading your other posts, so if you've ever written where you've gone to that's not home, i can't read it..
    where is it that you're at? is it the people there? or settling down? or..?
     
  3. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry your going through this. Hey new places might not be all that bad you can meet new people who may benefit you. I think you can make it through this, as much as you don't believe it or believe me , you can make it past this and you can prove whoever they are wrong. Just try and trust yourself.
     
  4. greyroses

    greyroses Well-Known Member

    I am living abroad and I messed up and publicly humiliated myself. And now everyone at my work knows and everything is going. No one will talk to me and I think I might be getting fired. The anxiety is so bad I am only getting 3-6 hours of sleep a night, and unable to eat because I am scared to leave the house to eat. I am constantly fighting off panic attacks and just so completely out of control and it doesnt seem like given time anything is going to get better until I leave. But losing the job here presents a whole different bag of problems. So many people are angry at me, it's horrible.
     
  5. Dee55

    Dee55 Member

    You are strong because you came here. You're a survivor and will make it through if you start thinking differently. I'm sorry you're far away from home, but you are and that's your reality. I understand self hate and you're not a "f up." Whatever you've done in your life does not define you. You define you. It doesn't matter what other people think about you, it matters what you think about yourself and it sounds like you've done what I've done my whole life is put other people's thoughts about me in my head when their thoughts don't f.....ing matter. What matters is you're still here and have come here to find people who understand how you feel. We all make mistakes and whatever those mistakes or choices are you've made are over. We may suffer consequences, but yesterday is gone and you only have from now until bedtime to live your life how you choose. Yes, you can "do this" whatever "do this" is. You can make it though. Don't let the past define you. decide how you wan to define yourself from now forward. Talk all you want here because people understand how you feel. All of us have done things we regret and not knowing how you've f...d up makes it difficult to respond other than to say you are still here and you can make this day whatever you want it to be. You can keep beating yourself up or sit down and figure out where you want to go from here. what other people think about you doesn't matter. Self hate I've had all my life so I know how that feels. I'm here if you ever want talk. You are alive and have purpose. You just need to find what that purpose it. Don't give up. Go outside and take a deep breath, find something to appreciate or be grateful for. Even in the depths of despair there is something outside of yourself you can find to be grateful for. Do you have good health? You still have your mind to give you the strength to come to this forum for help. You have a safe place here where people understand how you feel. I'm here if you ever want to talk.
     
  6. Dee55

    Dee55 Member

    If you can get on some type of anxiety medication it can help. As I said in my post to you what other people think of you doesn't define you. You define you so why don't you stop beating yourself up and figure out how you want to live this day. sleep depravation causes more anxiety so you need to get medical help to help you sleep and anxiety medication helps with that. I know, I was averaging 3 hours of sleep a night, almost lost my job from exploding at work over computer systems not working. Since taking the medication I am finally sleeping and feel pretty numb which can help too. My thoughts are with you.
     
  7. Dee55

    Dee55 Member

    You can watch most favorite TV shows on project free TV and Hulu Plus so TV or cable not needed if you have a working computer.
     
  8. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Dee55, I like your advices. You sound as if you're a therapist. Welcome to the forum. I look forward to reading other posts that you may write later on. Glad to have you here.
     
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