I think today is my last day on earth

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ZakPup, May 27, 2011.

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  1. ZakPup

    ZakPup Well-Known Member

    Hi all, I'm not gonna go into a huge long explanation or anything. Just simply put my emotional scars are not healing and things keep coming up that just rip em right open. A little about my past I'm a x-druggy. I used to be in meth, heroin, and narcotics. My last relationship both of us were using meth at that time and I was at my worst, I cheated on him multiple times I loved him but we were most of the times high. We rarely got into scrapes but I held everything in and I pushed him away from me. I hurt him even tho he says he forgives me I'll never be able to forgive myself. I think that everything I did in my past is holding me back. I look at the scars i have on my arms from cigarettes and cuts and they just rip my emotional scars wide open. I try to turn to God but even there I get the feeling of a great emptiness. So I guess I'll say goodbye now, might stay for a lil to see if anyone answers but I doubt it.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi i am sorry you are in so much pain tonight
    are you newly in recovery? when i quit drinking it was like my emotions ramped up 1000% i felt like a brand new baby i couldn't handle any stress even talking to people triggered me
    stick around and keep sharing
    don't do anything rash
    it does get better
     
  3. ZakPup

    ZakPup Well-Known Member

    I've been clean since the end of november but i had a small relapse just last month to codine. Ever since then its like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I just recently got out of the clinic to help with my feelings and get some help quiting. Was only in for a few days and they released me with not much help except changing my prescription a little and saying i need to try a 12 step program.
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i used to go to aa and just sit there and cry, i was so vulnerable
    but it does get easier, i promise
    you will get stronger
    can you go back to the clinic if you need to
    i was in an outpatient program (for bipolar, not drinking) and i went back four times....
     
  5. ZakPup

    ZakPup Well-Known Member

    I too am bipolar thats the main reason I went the other day. To get some help and this certain place isnt the best I came out feeling worse than i went in. Just guess I have to keep myself off the streets tonight and I'll eventually get over it.
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    stay safe
    if it's not too late maybe a short walk
    then some time doing something to comfort yourself
    you have been hurt enough
     
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