I think tomorrow is the day.....

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Jen1988, Nov 15, 2014.

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  1. Jen1988

    Jen1988 Member

    Since I was a teenager and I tried to commit I had said I would wait until I was 30 before trying again....to give things a real chance to improve as everyone said they would. Well I am 27 and sick of trying and waiting for things to get better 10 years in more than enough to wait for something to come along so I think tomorrow is going to be it.
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Jen firstly welcome to SF, I am so sorry you feel this way. Is there any reason why you want to die,can't can I ask have you spoken to anyone about how you feel,can't these thoughts?
  3. Jen1988

    Jen1988 Member

    Thanks I have been here before back when I felt this way years ago....just life it's a waste of time I've always hated it. Have done since I was a kid. I don't honestly see the point life is such a stupid thing we are surviving and for what? the inevitable that we will all die anyway. Living isn't for everyone, if it was there wouldn't be forums like this.
    I have tried to make my life better, tried to try new things, hence the promise to myself I wouldn't off myself until 30 but I am just tired of carrying on it's too long away 3 more years is going to be hell.
  4. Jen1988

    Jen1988 Member

    There's no one to talk to....I have spoken to family who despite me saying I think I am depressed I got told I am just feeling sorry for myself and to get over it. To which point I decided maybe it's no depression I'm just not well built for life so better to end it sooner rather than later.
  5. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I know the get over it, I have heard that a lot and I am not just saying that. Sometimes and not making excuses people just do not understand what to say and what well to do. I guess the thing is and I can only talk from personal experience that you have to give yourself that chance. things will not always feel like this, it isnt easy but you deserve that chance to be happy, to have some good things in life, have you spoken to the docs?
  6. Jen1988

    Jen1988 Member

    I gave myself a chance I gave myself 10 years and nothing has changed still feel the same.
    I haven't spoken to a doc in a good while, as my dad's side has a history of depression and he said his mum's meds just made her worse most of the time so didn't want me to go on any as she just wasn't normal on them and tried to commit more times while on meds. Never met the woman, starting to think she had something right.
    I shouldn't have to go on meds to be normal I don't want something inducing me into something I don't want and even so couldn't afford the prescriptions.
  7. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I can relate to that, some days like even now I think nothing will ever change the feelings thoughts are just getting worse, somehow you have to keep going, tomorrow could be different tomorrow could be worse we do not know. But we can do things to help ourselves. I mean okay you do not want meds that's fair, I was adverse to them and yes in some cases they make you feel worse before you start to feel better (ironic I know), but for me they helped me get through the door and speak to someone to have some therapy, and that is the chance you have to give yourself, you do owe it to yourself to try everything. Also perhaps I would imagine science has come a long way even in ten years, so the medication available even the talking therapies have improved beyond recognition, sorry if I am not much help
  8. Jen1988

    Jen1988 Member

    I appreciate you trying to help, I think I'm just set and feel actually pretty happy at letting myself go.....feel like I have tortured myself for the last probably the last 21 years as I remember being 6 maybe 7 and thinking I just didn't want to be living although at that age it was just I guess a feeling of wanting to disappear and not want to carry on.

    I also couldn't afford therapy even if I wanted and the prospect of waiting 18 months minimum (Our local waiting time for a therapist according to a friend who just now got to see one) to see if something "might" help me.....it doesn't seem worth it to me.
  9. alanabanana

    alanabanana Member

    I think you should really think about this carefully. Can you wait another day, come into chat and talk to someone?

    EDIT: It really honestly makes sense to wait a day, especially if you're feeling a really overwhelming urgency to do something that you can't recover from. Survived attempts also suck a lot, it's much easier to pick your life up after surviving acute suicidal feelings than it is after surviving attempts. Trust me on that one. Please check in with someone you trust and run this plan by them. It's a really big decision and you owe yourself the due diligence. I can't make you do anything, and I know you don't even know who I am, but I really really hope that you're careful and explore all alternatives first.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2014
  10. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    Hi Jen -

    You say there is no one to talk to, but there is on here. A lot of what you say makes perfect sense to me, and I think you will find many others on this forum who understand. No, this won't solve everything, but it will, hopefully, give you some strength to keep fighting.

    I was looking at your post from 2007 where you wrote: "I guess since I searched this site out there's some part of me that doesn't want this, doesn't want to die."

    I hope you have come back to this site for the same reason. You don't want to die. Please keep telling yourself that. If you'd like to talk some more, I'd be happy to listen.
  11. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    The whole 'get over it' argument always saddens me. My response is always 'give me the tools then, show me how.' Your family may not be so empathic to your despair but I'm sure they still love you. I hope you are still with us. I'd always recommend Cognitive Behaviourial Therapy (there are books if it's taking forever to get into actual therapy), that can really help you see your own negative patterns
  12. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Jen. You are important and please remember that. Please do not do anything as you have survived along time.
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