I think tomorrow...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cfmhd35, Feb 13, 2013.

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  1. cfmhd35

    cfmhd35 Member

    I think tomorrow is the day. My heart aches too much. Seems poetic too. I tried once when i was younger with stuff bought over the counter, but now I'm older and have disposable income for more serious measures. I just am in too much pain and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of hearing all the same old stuff - you have so much going on, you're handsome, you have a good job, you are talented, blah blah blah...

    I know I'm new here, but what makes anyone keeps holding on when everything is so lost? I feel like a shell of my former self, and the really messed up part is that as I go through my loss of marriage and am really getting myself right, I am actually getting worse because of all the realizations I am coming to about her / I / us...
     
  2. Lost in translation

    Lost in translation Active Member

    Hey cfmhd35, I'm sorry to hear what you are your going through, I'm sure it's been extremely hard up to this point. I myself am dealing with tremendous pain and tomorrow actually marks the day I started my decline a year ago. I thought about ending it as well but am just feeling the need to hold on and give it a little more time to see where things go. I wish and hope you'll do the same, your going through some ruff times no doubt, I just hope you give it a little more time after the dust settles per say, to heal yourself and clear your mind. Right now you have so much going on I'm sure it's hard to concentrate and think straight and anyone should understand that. Have you tried talking to a therapist? Just a thought its something I recently got involved with and it might help you. I'm dealing with a lot of the same issues, so I know it's incredibly difficult not to want to go, but please stay around cfmhd35 and give healing a chance! There's lots of people on here to talk to including myself and you'll find some that are in the same situation. Please change your mind cfmhd35 and give life another round! Hope to see again on sf!
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiyas-well to answer your question. What keeps me going is my family, the few friends I have and my boyfriend. Also, thanks to a good anti depressant called Mirtazapine, I am not so down anymore. I couldn't hurt my family,friends and boyfriend. And my anti -depressant lifts my mood. :)
    Have you tried therapy? It has worked for me before when I was down in the dumps-especially psychotherapy. Find something to hang on for and hold onto it, good luck :hug:
     
  4. cfmhd35

    cfmhd35 Member

    i have been slowly shutting down all day...
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry hun you are so low keep talking to us ok. You will see hun youare not so alone You just take one hour time and get through it Your pain hun it won''t always be there ok i know it feels that way but who knows hum what will happen You stay here and just talk and meet new people ok you hang on hugs
     
  6. titanlord

    titanlord Member

    im new here to and i want to suicide but what makes you want to suicide?
     
  7. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    cfmhd35, is there a reason you've chosen Valentine's Day?
     
  8. cfmhd35

    cfmhd35 Member

    seems poetic is why today. i can't take it anymore - i have been trying to do the right thing for 8 months now since my separation from my wife of 14 years. i meet people all the time, i go walking and hiking, i exercise and even work two jobs to try and keep me busy. nothing works - including the counseling i went too for several months. I can't take it anymore and don't know if i just want to scream or cry - all i do is cry. 35 year old male, and all i do is cry everyday for the last 8 months...
     
  9. titanlord

    titanlord Member

    what is the main reason that makes you want to suicide
     
  10. cfmhd35

    cfmhd35 Member

    can't stand the pain of the loss i am going through...
     
  11. titanlord

    titanlord Member

    can you please be more specific, im trying to understand your pain, i myself am looking to suicide as well.
     
  12. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    I wish I could convince you that there is a possibility that you'll love again. At least you've experienced love and marriage, unlike me. I am 29 and never had a girlfriend. Because of my disease (Asperger's Syndrome), I am facing the possibility of a LIFETIME of involuntary celibacy. I may die never having had a significant other. If I weren't lonely, i wouldn't have a problem at all.
     
  13. cfmhd35

    cfmhd35 Member

    the pain of losing the thing you care about most - the pain of your whole life changing (living place, friends, family) - the pain of knowing that the person you love most in the world will be sharing the things you want between you and her with someone else - the pain of being alone at night - the pain of losing your absolute best friend. that's just some of it...
     
  14. titanlord

    titanlord Member

    im sorry you feel that way, i never had a significant other although i wish i can, but some part of me knows that i will never be able to. But try being strong, life isnt just about significant others, theres so much more.
     
  15. cfmhd35

    cfmhd35 Member

    thanks, but it doesn't really matter anymore - nothing does...
     
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