I think was about to commit suicide last night. :cry: Too many things happen. Someone close to me in my famely has cancer and things are going really bad with her. My ex is going crazy and it kills me inside. I'm failing at college and failed myself and my family. Can't find a damn job. My body hurts from the cutting. Endless amounts of panic attacks. And almost crying the whole day all the time. Last night it all got too much. I tried to stay awake because I was really feeling low and bad and was scared to sleep but I was so tired. When I finaly fell asleep I got a panic attack. It was like I was trapped in my dream, I knew I was dreaming and I knew I had to wake up but I couldn't. It was really hard to breathe and scared and it felt like it would never end. When I woke up I took a knife and I wanted to kill myself. I didn't care anymore what others said or thought, I just wanted to die. After like 10 mins serious thinking to do it I decided to call a Dutch suicide support line a member from SF gave to me. I talked to a guy from there who seemed really nice and caring, he calmed me down. It really helped and after we where done talking I was really scared. What was I thinking? Next week I'm going to try to go to the college therapist again. I can't do this anymore, too much is on my mind.