I thought about suicide this morning

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Scully, Jan 28, 2010.

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  1. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I watched my pills, I have many at home, just for my BPD treatment. I feel anxious from the morning to the moment I can fall asleep: stomach aches, tight throat, oppression.

    My partner: he refuses to hug me. No sex of course for more than a year. He doesn't love me.

    My pro life? LOL I'm jobless, depressed, borderline, not functional. I touch a little money for now, the half of what the rent costs (pfff). I try though. I follow help with an association.

    My family and friends are far. I'm not so sure they care anyway. They had promised to help me find the truth about my father, last year. I'm still not sure what happened before my birth, and who's my father. ..... .... ... .... If I want news I call. But no one ever calls.

    I'll spare you a long story about the other traumas, my mother dying young. My father being a psycho, my rape, my preg, my other preg and abortion.

    Nobody loves me. I feel like shit. I am shit. I had difficulties to concentrate.

    I really can't take it. It would be so easy. Take the pills and die.
  2. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    It might seem easy but is it the answer? You still wouldn't have answers to your questions. I agree you feel like shit but that doesn't make you shit, feelings are just that, strong emotions that can at times take over our lives.
    You have a lot to work through and it will be painful but I know that even the worst horrors in our lives can be worked through and we can come out the other side.
    What professional help are you receiving?
  3. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    A psychiatrist and a tharepist. For 9 months.

    Thanks for answering. I just don't see the end of it anymore.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is hard because the depression takes that away from us. The clear end that light on the other side is not in view but it is there. You are struggling so much now but this feeling will lessen just hang in okay. Just because you don't see the sunlight doesn't mean it is not there it is just hidden behind the darkness thats all. Please you have so many answers yet to find. Taking all your meds not a good answer only make you sicker affect your organs heart liver don't do it okay . You are a fighter i can see that you are just tired now but rest and then you will have more energy. Tomorrow may bring better days okay Keep talking to your friends here keep reaching out.
  5. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  6. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Thanks all. I just don't know. I will hang on as long as I can. I just don't know how longit can last. I am very tired indeed.
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I know exactly how you feel.
    I'm tired too.
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