I thought I could change my life and fight new light

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cluster, Jan 11, 2008.

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  1. Cluster

    Cluster Active Member

    Hi, I've been suffering with depression and have been getting better recently. My school however had been making me more depressed for many reasons, and I had plans to leave and spend every day learning things I'm interested in and working towards my dreams and what I want to achieve, and overcome depression. I havent been to school the past few days and my parents don't understand why I can't go and they are taking everything that I live for away from me. They arent going to give me lifts anywhere, they arent even giving me a lift to see the doctor. They are telling me I'm on my own and I cant count on them for anything, but I have social phobias (which was also one of the things I was trying to work on) and am unconfident. I was alone before now I am even more alone, they don't understand the big dreams I have in life. I value life so much, but I'm not going to be allowed to live my life to how my heart tells me, and I really dont want to die.... but it seems to be the only option I have now.
     
  2. New-Hope

    New-Hope Well-Known Member

    Hey Cluster.

    I read your post and you have no idea how much what you're going through relates to what I'm currently going through -
    http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=40046 - others gave me some good advice on my post in that link.

    I posted that a few days ago. I'm in pretty much the same situation.

    I'm going to start off by saying that suicide definitely isn't your only option.
    You seem like a very bright person - you want to learn and you have dreams/ ambitions that you want to work for. You also said that you don't want to die... so don't think about suicide. You just need to find a solution to your problem.

    Have you spoke to your parents about leaving school at all?
    I haven't been to school much either since starting back and my parents reacted pretty simliarly to yours.
    My only solution was to leave. I'm in my final year of 6th Form and I've had enough of it. My parents want me to stay, trying to push me into it and all.
    My dad in particular gets pretty agressive with me, telling me that I'm useless and that I'll end up in a dead end job if I don't stay in school and get my A-levels; which isn't true at all.
    If you feel that school is making life worse for you, I would suggest you start thinking about leaving. Have a talk with a teacher about it and see what they say. I ended up being sent to a counselor about it, and she agreed it would be better for me if I left after discussing the way I felt.

    Parents don't usually understand these types of things, and it really is a pain.
    Have you sat down with your parents and explained what you're going through?
    You have to understand it's your life and no-one should tell you how to live it. You have to carry on believing that.
    What is it that you would like to do when you do leave school?
    College is a suitable alternative to school - you could look at a college and see what courses are available.

    Know that you're not alone with this and if you want to talk about it feel free to PM me :smile:

    I hope things work out for you. Don't give up your dreams over school!
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    New-Hope pretty much covered what I wanted to say.
    Just know that your not alone, people here are willing to support and help you, including myself.
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Why is going to school making you so depressed Cluster? School can be a fun and interesting place to be. I'm a teacher if you want to talk about it.
     
  5. Alastair

    Alastair Well-Known Member

    i remember school...it sucked

    not sure what you mean by social phobias, can you elaborate?
     
  6. Cluster

    Cluster Active Member

    Wow we really do have quite a lot in common there. Thankyou so much new-hope for telling me =)

    I have spoken to my parents about it, they really don't understand and see school as being a first priority to everything. They don't understand what it means to me to be free. Theythink I am just going to sit around all day and do nothing, which is not true. You also seem a very intelligent person and I am sorry to see the situation youre in :sad: I really hope it resolves because you seem a really intelligent and thoughtful person.

    We are at the age now that we can make our own decisions and not be ruled by our parents. We choose our own paths in life, and that's what our parents should learn to respect. I can understand why it is hard for them understand, as they were brought up thinking school is the only way for a good life. But it's not true, what I believe is following your heart; not any rule book or piece of paper that has a qualification on it. The most important thing in life is to live how you want to live it.

    I think that I will leave.. I appreciate that we should be grateful for school with all the people inthe world who dont have it.. but we have plenty other oppertunities like college, so I am not exactly abandoning education. It's just what I am going to do for the rest of this year my parents are angry about.. and it's hard to explain. But like I read on one of the links somebody posted on your thread i want to work in my interests and skills. express myself and find myself. And that is hard to explain to my parents.

    I'm sorry your Dad gets agressive with you :sad: I'm sure eventually he will understand.. maybe if you get somebody else like your school counsellor to explain to him he will understand a bit better.

    I just find it embaressing the way I am in school these days too, I feel so uncomfortable and act a bit weird I guess, and its really embaressing on front of the teachers and people.

    Thankyou for being there for me New-Hope =) I hope we can keep in contact more.
     
  7. Cluster

    Cluster Active Member

    It's kind of complicated, but school has always made me depressed.. the continuous routine, feeling of being captivated, treated like a child and bascially everything about it. I feel discontent and distraught from who I am at school. I just have always had deep feelings about certain aspects of life, and I feel I wish like Steiner (german philosopher - waldorf school) was the way schools were.. of course it wouldnt suit everybody, but for me and my way of thinking it would..
    thankyou for being there for me Dave =)
     
  8. Cluster

    Cluster Active Member


    Just I have a lack of confidence and slight social phobia which is like being fearful in social situations..

    =P
     
  9. New-Hope

    New-Hope Well-Known Member

    I have spoken to my parents about it, they really don't understand and see school as being a first priority to everything. They don't understand what it means to me to be free. Theythink I am just going to sit around all day and do nothing, which is not true.

    You seriously don't know how much I can relate to that!

    I read your post and it's like you were reading out of my diary! :laugh:

    It's just what I am going to do for the rest of this year my parents are angry about..

    You could get a small job until you can start college. That's what I'm doing; and it will stop your parents from thinking that you'll "sit around all day and do nothing". My parents said the exact same thing only minutes ago...
    "You won't get a job. You're just going to sit at home...useless"
    Ignore it. It hurts, some of the things they say; but you'll prove them wrong.

    The most important thing in life is to live how you want to live it.

    You are absolutely right. What's the point in life if you can't live it as you want?

    The point to this is, if you think that staying at school is going to do more bad for you than good, leaving is the best option.
    I had a meeting this morning and I have to have another meeting with two teachers and my mum... which I'm dreading.

    I just find it embaressing the way I am in school these days too, I feel so uncomfortable and act a bit weird I guess, and its really embaressing on front of the teachers and people.

    Don't feel that way. You don't seem weird to me!
    If it's the social phobias and the lack of confidence that make you feel that way, don't. Many people have social phobias, you're not the only one! Everyone feels uncomfortable in social situations sometimes, like when people get a new job or move to a new school... I know of some people that are too frightened to post on Forums like this one!
    You've accomplished that! Telling people you don't know your problems and what you're going through - it takes a lot of courage and I know loads of people who wouldn't dream of doing it!
    As for the lack of confidence, I can relate on that one too. I am one of the most unconfident people you could meet, I've got an extremely low self-esteem and I speak the words "I can't do it" all too often.

    Thankyou for being there for me New-Hope =) I hope we can keep in contact more.

    You are most welcome and I'd be happy to keep in touch! :smile:

    Hope you get things sorted soon! PM me and let me know how you get on! :hug:
     
  10. justgettinby

    justgettinby Well-Known Member

    I understand hating high school. I did too. But if you can, just hold out until you graduate. Or you could always get your GED. The point is, college (the right one) is an amazing experience where you can be whoever you want. It's like a clean slate, where you can start over. And it is intellectually stimulating and exciting because you find so many things you're interested in! Try giving college a shot.
     
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