i thought i was dealing with this...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by notwanting2live, Jun 18, 2008.

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  1. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    I thought i was dealing with my thoughts and voices in my head, but obviously not. i just cant deal with stuff thats happened to me in the past and present, and whats going to happen in the future.

    my parents keep on thinking that im fine, although they know im not. in the last 3 weeks i have not spent more than 20 mins a day with them, becuase i i know i would hurt them if i stay longer, because i screw everything up. i used to be able to spend all my time with them and not be scared but becuase of recent events, i feel i am a constant screw up and nothing can change it.

    i cant fight myself anymore, im fed up of doing it, im fed up of losing, and im fed up of screwing other peoples lifes up, just becuase of me. i cant do any of this anymore.

    ive self harmed, ive done aerosols, and i just keep on thinking to take the bottle of vodka out of my drawer, and take the god damn tablets sitting in my draw.

    i just cant do any of this anymore.

  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    hello notwanting2live: I have an open ear if you should like to vent. We don't want you to harm yourself. So please keep the communication open.Good Luck...:chopper:
  3. LosingMyGrip

    LosingMyGrip Member

    I don't have any easy answers for you. I feel exactly the same way -- in fact I was just researching the lethal doses of all of the drugs I have access to. Not good.

    I have the impression that you are probably fairly young, and I am older, but I know about parents. I am curently living with my mom and I've been avoiding her like crazy b/c I don't want her to know what bad shape I'm in. I definitely have enough on my plate without depression and all of the suicidal thoughts that are CONSTANTLY with me!

    I doubt if this helps you any except to know that you are not alone. There are a lot of us out here who feel the way you do and we are hanging on another day at a time. If you really feel like you might do something drastic and (potentially) permanent, ASK FOR HELP!! Tell your parents to take you to the ER, or get a friend to go with you. Call a crisis line. Just having someone listen and having a chance to talk can really help. It is the only thing keeping me going.

    Please stay safe. Good luck!
  4. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    the thing is my parents dont understand, the hospital is sick and tired of seein me down there from getting found almost dead. then theres the police who are keeping really close tabs on me becuase of they keep on arresting me for a place of safety. i just dont understand how to love, and how i can survive in a world like this, i have no future, only a realy shit past.
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you have the perfect opportunity for change...loving someone requires trust and comfort...past traumas can negatively influence a person's ability to do these things...why not choose someone to work with and see what it will really take to finds these things...yes, it is hard work, but truly worth the effort...I know because I have had to come back into the world from a place of torture ... it is surely better now...life is so messy, but it can also be a place of warmth and comfort...try to establish relationships here and see where that goes...big hugs, J
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