The last few weeks things have been getting better for me, I finally got talking to people who had the same problems as me and who understood them (people on this forum) and my physical health seemed to have improved. You may know from my other threads that I seriously damaged my spine while on national service and this was at the root of many of my problems. I'm having intensive physiotherapy for it and it seemed to be improving, but tonight it has gotten really bad again and I am unable to do basic things becuase the pain is too great. I just feel like I will never get better. It was depressing enough having to give up sports. Then I got thinking about how shit my life is in reallity. I had to quite my phd course, I had to give up my work, I lost the only girl I have ever truly loved and I can't even get work now because I am not allowed to lift anything . I used to paint and sell my paintings, but I can't even do that anymore, because my concentration is so bad from all the pain meds I get given. I have no real family and although I have some good friends I don't want to start going on about my problems to them and risk losing more people I care about. I just wish I were dead. My life is ruined and I doubt I will ever get better. I'm so alone, i'm crazy and I know everyone hates me.