I thought I was OK

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by bluefish, May 19, 2008.

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  1. bluefish

    bluefish Well-Known Member

    I thought I was doing fine - I stopped therapy, I've been on Effexor for two months now, with my doc slowly increasing the dosage. However, I am not sure if it was due to the immense amount of stress I've been undergoing the past three weeks, but I had a meltdown last week. I almost cut myself again but I decided to drink instead. I haven't had a drink or cut since I got hospitalized in early March, but I am terrified, absolutely terrified of hurting myself again. I'm spiraling down into this depression again, I can feel it and I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to therapy.

    If anyone else has been in this boat, how did you deal with it? Is it just a "phase" that I will eventually get over, or is this more serious than I think?
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'd take it seriously. if you don't want to talk to a therapist is there someone else you can talk to?

    for me, my recovery (since my attempt) has been more like a few steps forward, a few back. overall, i'm doing much better, and then "wham!" i have a week like last week when the suicidal urges are back, stronger than ever.

    what helps me is to think of them like a storm. does a storm last forever? no, it eventually passes. in the meantime i get somewhere safe and hang on for dear life. for me those safe places are the hospital, my doctor's office, with my therapist, or my sister's house.

    i really use alot of supports when i'm low - therapy, the hotline, the hospital. i know my brain is tricking me when it says i should harm myself. it's just when the storm is full-force i am not so good at arguing back. that's where the help comes in.

    what do you think you will do?
  3. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    dazzle has it right, sometimes you have good days/weeks then bad ones but you do need somewhere or someone to be when as dazzle said the storm hits.
    and talking with someone does help off load, keeping it bottled up doesnt help at all, and nor does drinking.
    and dazzle if you need to chat at any time my pm box is always open.

    be safe blue, pm me if you need
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