I thought i was okay

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by FMyLife, Aug 15, 2014.

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  1. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    After spending yesterday working from home I decided to go back to work today, and overall it was a pretty good day. Stayed busy and kept my thoughts at bay. I've been home for about an hour and my house is quiet, and empty. And why I am trying to keep myself distracted with music, and computer games and such, waiting for the wife to return home from work, the same thoughts that I've been having are creeping back in. The urge to cut has been very strong lately and yesterday i caved to the urge and I'm trying not to now. But I want to. I want to zoo freaking bad it hurts that I'm fighting it….

    I'm sitting here in a panic, worried that I'll lose the fight without myself once again, that I'll mess up and cause real damage….
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Ihope your wife gets home soon to support you Don't do any harm to you ok go outside stay away from the tools that harm you
     
  3. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    im in the safety of my room sitting in the chat room trying to keep my mind at bay. I already fucked up once….trying not to continue..
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad you are in chat room keeping your mind busy good for you hun
     
  5. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    went to the beach today with my girl and friends……i was the only fucker out there with a shirt on….hiding stuff.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I totally know how you feel about ''the computer and your room being your comfort zone''. But it's a habit you have to break if you're doing it to the excess. Talk more to your wife, is she supportive?

    Also- I just replied to your other thread before replying to this one :) x
     
  7. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    she's always been supportive but at this time I'm scared to tell her what is really going on in my head..
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think as your wife she would be more scared if she thought you wouldn't be able to tell her....but I do understand your concerns, I think you should talk to someone even if not your wife so you can get it out :hug:
     
  9. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    I try and talk to my therapist, i take my meds as i should and i still can't get away..
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Maybe the key is to ask your therapist to try a different approach? When I was in therapy, I wrote, talked, emailed and she gave me homework... maybe your medications might need adjusting too? There are usually alternatives if what you're on isn't working. :)
     
  11. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    I have pretty bad kidney issues after an attempt a few months ago…the one med that worked well i can't take anymore..
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Can you PM me regarding the kidney issues? As I am getting a CT scan of abdomen(kidneys and pelvis on wednesday, and I have been in a coma 3 years ago...and I honestly think I've some damage done but I hope not) only if you're willing to share of course.
     
  13. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    I actually got some sleep last night. 4 hours worth…..most I've slept at once in weeks…..
     
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is great, I hope you feel somewhat better :hug:
     
  15. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    I'm trying to :) I hate myself when i get in that bad place. its painful beyond anything..
     
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