• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

I thought I was over it.

Not open for further replies.
I was raped almost 10 years ago. I thought I had forgiven him, but my hate is back. I was 12, and a virgin. I guess that has a lot to do with me not being able to get over it...

So, here's the thing. I haven't really thought about it in a long time. I mean, I've thought about it, but I haven't let it get to me lately. But a few days ago, I was drinking with some friends, and ended up getting really drunk. Then, out of nowhere, I start getting flashbacks. I ended up scratching myself up pretty badly. Scratching was how I dealt with it for the first couple of years after the rape. I haven't done it since, until the other night. I scared my friends half to death. Hell, I scared myself! It was like I was still there, like I'd never lived the 10 years since then. I was there, and I couldn't get away from it. Two of my had to sit on each side of me and hold my hands apart to keep me from scratching my entire body up. I don't know what triggered it. I really thought I was ok. I don't know.

I just needed to get that out.


Have you ever talked to anyone about it?

I know this may sound strange but it really is similar. I know people who never dealt with the trauma of certain war experiences. For some reason alcohol can sometimes make them revert back to that dark place.

Please understand that I'm not in any way trying to compare the two b/c what you went through is horrible beyond words. Its just that speaking with a specialist in that area may allow you to release certain feelings that have been bottled up.

I'm sorry you had to revist that experience the other day. :sad:
I went to counselling for a while right after it happened. And I talk about it some with my closest friends. And, I've been fine since the other night. I don't know where it came from. Maybe it was just a one time thing. Anyway, I definitely won't have that much alcohol for a really long time.


Yeah, alcohol can definitely trigger emotions. I just wish they didn't trigger all the bad ones! I hope you're okay.
Not open for further replies.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount