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I thought it was a good day...

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WU13

Active Member
#1
I was smiling. I was keeping my thoughts semi-positive. But then something happens. I'm left alone with myself again. The world, it seems has fallen asleep, leaving me and my thoughts awake. Why do I do this to myself? Each night it's the same thing. I keep wishing I wasn't alive, that I wouldn't have to be alone like this again. I really do need help, but since no one besides a handful of friends know, it's hard to look for real solutions. My mom had problems, and I saw what it did to our family. I don't want to become that issue to everyone. There are three people who have kept me alive the past few weeks. Without them, I would have just ended it...

But I don't want to continue to be a burden to them. They shouldn't have to be responsible for me. That falls on me and me alone. I'm just not strong enough yet. Each day I gain a little bit more strength, but I feel like it's never enough.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
I think you need to go talk to your doctor okay see if medication can help you get out of the suicdal thoughts you are having YOu need help you said it right the doctor will help maybe even refer you for therapy. Talk to a councillor at school talk to your doctor call crisis okay but get help NOW don' wait until it gets worse hugs
 

Stranger1

Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
#3
Start writing down your thoughts.. If it comes to you going to the hospital you can take what you have written and ask for someone in mental health..Let them read what you have been writing..Talk to them and be truthfull.. They will more than likely admit you.. Don't be afraid.. It's nothing to be scared about.. They have techs who are on the ward for your protection.. You will see a shrink probably once a day, and a therapist once a day.. My only advice is take a book.. It's rather boreing with all the waiting you do..They have a day room with a TV but you can't hear it because everyone is talking..Don't be afraid to get help..
 

WU13

Active Member
#4
I had it together. I had talked to a professor and she had calmed me down. I was ok, borderline happy. Then it hit me again. This perfect plan of just how to do it keeps playing over and over. All I need is the PM formula pills in my medicine cabinet, wait an hour, then just slice down my wrist. I can't stop thinking about doing it. I'd get in the tub so clean up would be easy. No one would find me until Monday at the earliest. I would stop disappointing myself and others. I could finally find that calm.
 
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