I do not know what to do right now. I am studying in England and my psychologist has adviced me to see another person while I am "abroad". I went to the universities counseling service first. The person I talked to would arrange a meeting with a doctor who then would refer me to a psychologist. The counseling service also wrote a letter to the doctor, summing up what I told them. My past has been absolut violent. When I was a child my father wanted to control me. To gain my obedience, he sometimes threw me down the stairs, he tried to starve me, or I had to stand outside in the cold, naked. When I was nine years old I told him that one day I would kill him. my parents divorced, but it did not help me. I spend many more years trying to protect my mother. Sometimes I wanted to run away, but I did not know where to go. I was living in a war. Now I am grown up, but all that is left is pain and hatred and the feeling that life is not worth living. Ok, the doctor read the letter and said that this would not be a reason to refer me to a psychologist. I then told him that I am thinking about death every day and his answer was " Oh there are many people who think about death a lot, it's not uncommon, they even write books about it." Next, I told him that I did a two year research with someone else, to find out the best method on how to kill myself. The other person eventually killed himself about 11/2 years ago. His answer was " Oh you don't need to do a research, you can just jump in front of a train" Excuse me?????. Anyway, he decided to refer me to a psychologist, but it would take at least 6-9 months, before I could talk to one.... I left his room, feeling even worse than I had before. I am pretty helpless now, what can I do?