I thought you'd never leave.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by riz, Apr 2, 2007.

  1. riz

    riz Senior Member

    So, you left. Oh god, I'm not talking about this again am I? I guess this has nothing to do with you and everything at the same time. Abandonment. I should be used to it by now. But, for some reason, I can't get used to the thought of you being so far away. Out of reach. And, not to mention you haven't told me yet. You weren't even planning on it. You still aren't going to tell me the extent of it, are you?

    I thought I exposed everything. Revealed my scars. Opened up entirely. I'm still afraid to do that with anyone else. I haven't. You were the only one I thought I could trust. Because fo this, part of me doesn't believe I can feel anymore. I've become numb. Unable to feel anything real, I make sure I'm still alive while lingering on the sharpest edge. I see the blood, but not the pain. I'ts the same with you. I see the tears but you can't feel them.

    I want to stop crying, but how can I? You obviously don't value me as much as I do you. I'm done giving all of myself. (Going to stop there, because it is another story entirely.)

    Why am I so hurt? Mostly because when you return, you will look at my tear stricken face and laugh. Laugh at how stupid I am to feel this way. "What an idiot," you'll say. "What the hell was she thinking?" I thought too much of us. I always did.

    I'm right when I went to you. I was right that you'd listen intently and be there for me. I was wrong when I thought it'd be forever. I would be kidding myself if I thought I'd get anyone else. I don't deserve you.

    I'm destined to be alone. Not just because of you. Because of him and them. They all turned their backs. They all went away. Because he doesn't feel the same way about me that I do him. You were right again. You said that I fabricated this myself. I made it all up, just as I did you.

    I'm sorry. This is unfair. You would say you never meant to hurt me but you forget that she said the same thing. To you. Amazing, isn't it? How it was so easy to make one enemy instantly into a best friend. How easy it was to step over me. How easy it was for me to be hurt.

    Ironic, isn't it? How I spent so much time helping you get over her. Then you slowly get back to normal. Then, most amazingly, replace me with her. What the hell?

    "What the hell?" you would say, "Why would I tell you?"

    I don't know.
    Why would you?

    I guess I thought we were close enough for that.

    Well, I thought wrong.
    You made that obvious.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    :hug: :hug: :hug: