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I told someone I shouldn't have

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by badassunicorn, Sep 18, 2013.

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  1. badassunicorn

    badassunicorn Member

    The other night I was crashing, hard, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told one of my friends how I was feeling, I had never shared this part of me with him but I figured we've been friends going on 6 years he can handle it. Boy was I wrong. Although we were "off the record" I found out towards the end of the conversation that he was saving it all in case he needed to go to the cops. He wouldn't listen that I just needed someone to listen to me, so that I could work out the big scary thoughts that were floating around in my mind. He just kept threatening to tell. So in the end I had to convince him I was fine (when I still needed to talk) and that everything was fine. Well now he's avoiding me. So I didn't get the help I needed AND I may have lost one of my really close friends... I don't know what to do.:faint:
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Was this a real life friend, or a friend over the Internet? When bringing something such as this type of topic to a friend, it's usually best to do it in person where you can express emotion and also view their reactions/emotion and body language. If your discussion involved revelations that you were a danger or threat to yourself or others, then he was probably acting accordingly - but in the event it was just potential harm to yourself, even if someone responded to his reporting, they would have to assertain the same for themselves, not just based upon the word of someone else. I don't think you have anything to worry about, but don't dismiss them automatically as a friend if they didn't react as you may have wanted. It is a difficult topic and people don't always know how to react to it. My own advice to people who tell me that they have as a friend who they believe may hurt themselves, I advise them to seek out help for their friend, including potentially reporting to appropriate professionals or authorities - I'd personally rather have a friend mad at me vs. losing them to their own self harm.

    Perhaps it is time to seek out some help for the things you are feeling or experiencing. Then, tell your friend that you are obtaining that help and assistance... so that they can be reassured. Consider this in reverse - if someone you knew had told you something about harming themselves or others and you took no actions and they followed through, would you feel guilt in having not taken any prevention steps?

    Don't blame your friend for their reaction, but perhaps seek out some assistance professionally and then sit down with your friend face-to-face and discuss the topic again, including the concerns you just shared here. A good friend will always be there for you but sometimes we, as friends, have to do things that on the surface may not seem right.
  3. badassunicorn

    badassunicorn Member

    It's an IRL friend however he's 8 hours away as all my friends are (we're just spread out). I would usually talk to a different friend but she just had a baby (she's 7 hours away). The friend I talked to about this isn't one I would usually talk to, he's not big on feelings, but lately he has been. I thought I could share this side with him but it's apparent I can't. I am getting help but he wanted me to check myself in that minute and I tried explaining to him it wasn't to that point. He just wasn't ready for it I guess, too much, too soon, but that sucks. Over the past 6 years he's heard about my illness as a past thing or in general terms (i.e. just feeling emotional today). I thought I would let him see through the BS and look what it gets me. Down to 1 friend. Ain't life grand.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry things feel so bad right now. I'm glad you reached out to your friend and here too.

    Lots of people are rattled if a friend or loved one confides that they feel suicidal or like self-harming. Your friend offered the best solution he knew - get professional help. Perhaps he didn't feel confident that his own advice to you would be good enough, so he suggested checking yourself in...safer for you that way. That's a good friend who really wanted you to be safe.

    I think if you give your friend some time, his own emotional response to the situation might settle down. I like Pickwithaustin's suggestion that you reassure your friend that you are getting help. Although you feel that your friend could have done things differently and could have done more, maybe he knew his own limitations and didn't want you to hurt yourself.

    I think you have a very good friend there, you're not "down 1 friend" at all. I hope you keep talking to us here, too. :hug:
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