Life is difficult sometimes, no arguing that.
But sometimes we need help. I found that professional help is really valuable.
Have you considered therapy and/or a psychiatrist, to help you find your way through? If you have, can you call either/or now and let them know how you are feeling? If not, a call to a crisis line to get help would be good. Even a trip to emergency room, you life is worth the effort to save.
I hope you can find it within yourself to reach out for help.
We are here to support you.