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I tried, but not really

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I have been going to alcoholics anonymous. I do not get much out of it. After I year and a half I do not have a god of my understanding, and those that do seem truly happy and at peace. So I stopped drinking for a year and a half and then, when I decided to kill myself started drinking again, because I remembered how very close to suicide I had been when I did drink. And then I started taking the OTC sleep aids, to help me sleep, as sleep is my only refuge. I needed to escape, and even though it only takes five minutes for me to doze off I wanted to fall asleep instantly. Only in the death that is sleep do I not feel the pain and dispair that envelopes my life all other times. I really need to take the next step. I will stop feeling the pain when the sleep of death comes over me, my wife can stop hating and start loving again. My kids will not have to see what a humiliating loser I have become. My mental rehearsals seem easier and easier. Fairly soon I will be able to do it. And it will work. And the poison that I have become will be out of everyone thoughts and life.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Your children will not move on you will cause them endless sadness and pain like you are in now hun You need to call your doctor get on medication to decrease this sadness and pain okay get some therapy to get you well so your children will always have their father with them hugs to you:hugtackles::hugtackles:
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