i tried: failed..so what next?

[chawle]

o k, i havnt ever spoken to anyone about what i did... its too hard to explain without just sounding mental and them worrying/trying to do something about it. so here goes..

a few months back i threw myself in front of a car ..in a serious attempt to end it all. of course it didnt work.. it just left me with alot of scars, alot of pain and unable to walk until now (just). i know how selfish it was of me to do that to the poor driver of the car..but i really didnt care at the time..now this is another thing that knaws on my conscience.

upside is i now have a ready supply of serious painkillers (for the chronic back pain i get wenever i move now), unfortunately theyre not the most deadly of pills..i tried to od. on them a few weeks back but all that did was make me very sick for a few days..i was just looking up the lethal dose earlier and its high..but doable if i stock up.

splitting upwith my boyfriend of 7/8 years, who i started going out with when i was 14 has seriously ripped my life apart, he was my whole life..and we split last year and arent in touch now. iv lost most of my friends over the last few years, because of him and my increasingly depressive state. and i cant be bothered with the ones i hav left..theres no point anymore. on top of this the 'accident' meant i had to take a year out of uni so iv lost touch with my uni friends now too.

i avoid sleeping because every dream is about being with him, and wen i wake the pain is there all over again. when i do sleep ..made easier by huge amounts of alcohol and drugs.. i stay in bed all day cos i cant face the days without him. and it doesnt get easier with time, its got much worse. it sounds so pathetic but its not just about him..theres a thousand reasons i cant go on much longer.

whatever i do...in my heart is that same sinking, empty feeling. the only thing that stops me trying too hard again is my parents, i cant bear to think how theyd feel when im gone, and what theyv wasted on me all these years..love,money, patience. its not fair on them..i cant hide the scars anymor and i know they worry.

im sry that was loong... but as i said iv never told anyone any of this shit. basically im hanging on right now but i dont know what for.. i dont know what i can do now except the obvious..

please anyone whos got thru this kind of thing or has any advice that could help stop me, pls pls let me know..
thanks for listening xx

 

[ppppaaauul]

Hi

Im actually going through a similar thing at the moment i just got out of a seven year relationship with my girlfriend and its been messy, ive tried to kill myself twice and failed but i am just starting to cope now and if you need any help just pm me or my yahoo messenger is oconnor1302.



Paul

 

[Chemical Chaos]

what do you do now?

you tell yourself you're wonderful, you pm me...and we help you get your life back together.

sound good?

i hope so.

stay safe,
Draven xxx

 

[Twisted Sweet Lies]

Well what do you want to do now? Try to meet new friends? Look for someone new? Talk to a therapist? These are not suggestions just examples. It's not for us to tell you what to do next. It's your life and your decision. So what would you like to do next besides attempt suicide?

 

[evilmonkii]

you know what. I have and am going through your exact situation. please pm me.

we can try and go through this together.

If anyone wants me to share the exact details of my story i will..but for now i just want to tell anyone thats thinking about suicide..although it may seem like a quick easy process to fix your problems..in fact the amount of pain it brings to people that care about you is unberable.

get counselling and talk about it. theres always someone in this world that cares about you whether you see it or not. I'm speaking from experience

 

[Jolanta]

No chawle, you haven't failed at life til its over, and it ain't over til it's over.
You have lots of opportunities to try again and again til you get it right.
This may sound like eternal damnation, but it is not, promise.
In the meanwhile, if you want to talk, I do understand. I don't know how many times I have attempted suicide, only to be rushed to the emergency room and saved from myself by the people who love me.
They finally pounded it into my head that until further notice, there is a place for me in this world and something I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not exactly sure what that is, but I believe that God knows and He also knows when it's my turn to leave.
And you also have a place in this world, and something you are supposed to be doing. Sometimes we have to take on faith that there is something that only we can do here on earth. If you want to talk, you can PM me, I'm available.

 

[gentlelady]

My relaltionship ended after 22 years of marriage and 4 years of dating, so I can understand how that can feel. I don't know how your relationship was though. Mine was abusive, so a good thing to get out of. You do feel like the world has stopped revolving and it is time for you to get off, but it isn't. Take the love and caring you feel for your parents and spread it out to yourself as well. you will make new friends and maybe they will be even better than the old ones. Don't give up on yourself. There is still so much good I can see in you from even this short post. Please take care and talk to those that are reaching out to you. You can be of support to each other. My PM box is open as well. :hug:

 

[blade]

Well what do you want to do now? Try to meet new friends? Look for someone new? Talk to a therapist? These are not suggestions just examples. It's not for us to tell you what to do next. It's your life and your decision. So what would you like to do next besides attempt suicide?

yes i agree with u.
meet someone new yes. chawle
yes bad things have happened in the past but u have to deside what u want to do and do it. dont worry what u r now. think of the future what would u like to be?