Its been monthes since I posted anything. I was starting to get back to normal. I still miss my sister everyday but I was starting to except that she was gone. But my Step dad had another alcoholic episode tonight. Im so tired of watching my mom cry over that ass hole. And Im afraid that everything will slip back to what it once was. Ive noticed the emptiness returning. The feeling of hatred towards myself and others. I just dont want it to happen again. I looked down the barrel of a gun once and I dont want to again. This time I might just pull the trigger.