I tried suicide 6 times and wish it would have worked

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by sunflower2424, Jun 3, 2012.

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  1. sunflower2424

    sunflower2424 New Member

    I feel dispare because I have feelings and thoughts of suicide daily... but everytime i try it it doesn't work.. a couple times i was scared after trying and got help so i wouldn't die.. I sometimes fear that if I kill myself I'll go to hell or a far worse place than here. I know that sounds silly but i do worry about that. Then i also fear that if i kill myself my mom wouldn't be able to cope.. I mostly think about how everyone else would feel ... i really don't care about myself.. I've been depressed and suicidal since i was 11 years old. I was sexually abused for most of my life, by my mothers boyfriends.. I was diagnosed with Bipolar, PTSD, Borderline Personality, ADHD.. Been on every medication there is and nothing really works.. I fantasize about suicide everyday.. I self-harm, drink on occastion...have no life no friends, i have been addicted to drugs in the past.. my life is never going to go anywhere. WHY AM I STILL HERE?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are here because you are important hun You rmother will not deal with you death she just won't I do hope you continue to work with your doc hun to stabiize . I hope also you continue to talk here and reach out for support hugs
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Amanda...as TE said, although you do not feel it now, you are very valuable...is there a neuropsych department that you can get an evaluation and see how all of these diagnoses can be treated in one regime? Usually, the best approach would be a team of providers. If you are in NY City, there are many places that would be appropriate...please PM me if I can make any suggestions...and, also, you are still here so we could meet...welcome and so glad you posted...please continue to let us know how you are doing
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