I tried to cut my wrists

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Keno, Apr 18, 2009.

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  1. Keno

    Keno Member

    Its my 18th birthday and i'm alone, I am very drunk and tried to cut my wrists but the blade was too blunt I couldn't even do this. I feel like im destined to fail at everything, even trying to kill myself.
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that your 18th birthday is so awful for you.

    Has anything happened to make you feel so rough?

    Can you maybe drink some coffee and eat something like bread? It might help your sober up a bit, which might help you stay a bit safer.
     
  3. Keno

    Keno Member

    I just needed to tell someone, anyone how I felt, I'm returning to high school on monday after a holiday, all my friends have been accepted into universitys and i'm unlikely to pass any classes this year never mind university or even college. My parents go on constantly how important this is, i've tried to tell them how I fell but they become angry and dismissive.I've never had a girlfriend and my only close friend lives thousands of miles awa .
     
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That sounds like a hard situation to be in.

    Have you been able to talk to a tutor or anyone at high school about how bad things are for you?

    From the sounds of where you are, education should not be where you are putting your energies, but that maybe your energies should be going into your mental health. Its very hard to do that when your parents are refusing to actually truly hear what you have to say and what you need to tell them.

    Education is important, but certainly no where near as important as your life, and in this day and age, you can do your education at any point in time.

    I really feel for you because I was in a similar, but quite different, situation, and it is very hard when you are struggling so much and then being made to feel worse by those who should be supporting you.
     
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ...i'm glad your attempt didn't work.

    i am also glad, that you reached out here. i hope you find some support while you go through this very hard time. . .

    pm me if you want to talk - :console:
     
  6. Keno

    Keno Member

    Most my teachers are dismissive towards me too, they think I am a very intelligent person, maybe I am but its not that I dont want to succed, it's like I cant, theres a invisible wall stopping me and they make me feel like i've let them down. Most of them have given up on me now, I feel like I let everyone down but I just want to be happy not succesfull.
     
  7. Keno

    Keno Member

    Ill try and explain a little bit better, both my parents are from "poor" famalies, but they made a decent living for themselfw throught hard work, probably under middle class, they both dropped out of high school but arnt stupid and they dont want me to do the same . They want me to succed in life and they think they are doing whats best, education. Even though I know thats not true they manage to make me feel horrible because im failing. I have ADD and no matter how much I want to succeed and live up to there expecations I cant. im going to fail this year, Ive hidden my results from my parents so far, Ive applied for college and might still get in but they wont be happy witht hat, they will push me as hard as they can to get into university. They have pushed me so much I fell like anything short of university is absolute failure and I would be better off dead. My dream would be to move to america and me and my friend will try and make a game but thaat seems so far away and im stuck here all alone with no one who understands. The worlds feels wrong and empty, theres nothing magical, nothign worth living for.
     
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Are you in the UK?

    I really hear your desperation about what you want/need and what you feel those around you are pushing you to do.

    I wonder if maybe writing letters to them and explaining, in as much detail as possible, how bad you feel, explaining exactly how hard it is. That would also be a good thing to do wiht teacher's too. I am what my therapist called 'apparently competent' and that means that people see the facade of how I am, but not actually what is going on inside, and it might be similar for you, in that they see your intelligence, but not what's going on inside because it's so well hidden from years of trying to be perfect and be everything those around you want to be.
     
  9. Keno

    Keno Member

    Yes I am in the UK, and its odd you say that about the facade, I feel likme I put on this fake personality who is always goofy and up for a laugh and who never gets stressed so when i do try to tell the people close to me how I feel they become dissmisive because how coudl i possibly be like that it must just be a phase.

    ive tried to open up to my parents before and now I feel scared to do it again
     
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Yes, I hear you in that and it is incredibly invalidating when you try to tell someone, and you [pluck up that courage, only for them to brush it off.

    I wonder if maybe talking to Connexions Direct http://www.connexions-direct.com/ might be worthwhile. They can be really good and supportive, and because they don't know you, it might be easier for you.

    I'm guessing you are probably coming up to your A2s? The Samaritans would then also be an option if you ever got desperate and needed to talk to someone.

    Another option would be going to see your GP because they can open a world of support to you. You could take in a bullet pointed list of what's going on and how bad you feel, and just hand it over, that way your facade wouldn't matter so much because the words would be there on the paper and you could write them beforehand. You could also put in about how you have a functional front/fake personality that is happy, etc, and how that's not how you truly feel inside, so that the doctor hopefully 'gets' it.
     
  11. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Well at least you have a second chance at school many people don't get that.
     
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