I'm a 16 year old male with a girlfriend. Here goes: -Self hate(obviously) and cuts. Last time,a week ago I made 50 cuts(and proud of it!) (Please ignore my stupid jokes). Total, I have cut like 10 times each time making 15-20 cuts average. Last time was special because of my brother(Another long story). -No friends. I had two but I ended things with them because they sometimes made me happy and I don't want to be happy. -Suicidal thoughts since I was a kid. Three suicide attempts. Almost jumping in river(Keyword:almost. So does it count?). Two times OD'ing on pills. First time 38 pills then 53 but sadly still living. -Father is dead. I have a step father(I like the step father though) -Afraid that all my problems are fake. For example,if even one of you will just slightly nudge me and say,"Hey mate that's normal. You are not depressed,just sad" then I would take it to heart and may cut. -Studies.Career. I first wanted to become a doctor but now I'm not sure since I might not be able to handle the stress. So,the count of insecurities is two now. I have a big exam coming but I can't seem to remember anything and I am intelligent but I don't think I can make it. -Uncertain of commitment with my girlfriend. -Family. I thoroughly hate my brother. He judges me and is the biggest reason for my insecurities. And I have many fights with my mother too. -Extra sensitivity. Even the slightest words hurt me. -Sexual problems. Ah...the wonderful sexual problems. Lets start. I like BDSM and like being both submissive and dominative. I am afraid one day I might rape a girl(yes you read it correctly...now do you understand why I hate myself?). I am afraid that I might hit my girlfriend(I have hit her in the past too...MAN,KIDS THESE DAYS!!!). I like doing "stuff" while I'm submissive(lets leave it at that word "stuff". It's disturbing.) I think I might be bisexual or worse,gay. I have nothing against being gay but I can't part from my gf. She is like a pair of crutches to me now after my depression. -Health. I eat nothing healthy. Sure that doesn't seem so bad but a couple of months back I had severe vitamin B12 and D deficiency. I had to take injections. Maybe that makes you realize how serious it is. -Girlfriend. You know,normal relationship stuff except when she says something wrong I cut. And when I say something wrong,she cries till she gets sick. And I hurt her a lot. I try to break up with her in these mad impulsive moments that I get but she always ride my anger wave till i become sane. -Afraid that all my life I've been looking for attention and I was never depressed. [That's why I'm writing this too...for attention...not for anything else]. -Evil Twin. I do not have a voice in my head and I'm not crazy but I have this other part of me named "Evil Twin". Evil twin,say hello. *Hello and fuck you all. Don't help him. He deserves to die.* That's all I can remember folks. I have a vacation coming up after my exams. In it everything will seem to get better but when I step into a college(a medical college or something other...I don't know) It'll all come back and no one will be able to stop me from dying. A round of applause for my girlfriend who has kept me alive and as happy as she could since the month of August,2014. She's truly awesome. Hope you read it. Cheers.