I am alive. ok? no. not yet. I tried again, and almost succeeded. Vague memory of alcohol, sharp objects, and blood. What can I say? When I woke up, I just had a lot to clean. I haven't been on in a while because I didn't think I could talk to anyone here about it for some reason. I was ashamed in a weird way. Not because I tried, but because I didn't have the motivation to finish, I guess. I have tried a few times before. Same story. Different tools. I've taken bottles of pills, but just ended up in the bathroom, vomiting for hours. I've cut pretty deep, but just ended up patching it up on my own and hiding the bandages til' they were healed enough to lie about. I've tried to drown myself in alcohol, but just ended up having the worst hangover of my life. I can't do it. I just try really hard. Sorry to anyone that I've scared. Especially you Blue. You were the only one who messaged me because you noticed that I wasn't on. It still feels good to know that you are looking out for me. Remember that I'll do the same for you as long as I can manage to stick around. Even though I regret my past decisions, I can't help but wonder if the next attempt will be my last.