I cant do this anymore, I just cant, I tried so very very hard to make this work, but it can never work. I keep kidding myself that in time these feelings will fade, well how on earth do I explain still crying about you, how do I explain still thinking about you for half my waking life, how do I explain the feeling of sickness I get when I see you flirting with someone else, I just cant do it. I love you so very much, im deluding myself to think otherwise, and I cant think of any other way for me to go forward. I would dearly love nothing more than to have a beautiful friendship with you, but how can we be friends when I cant bare to talk about your love for him, or anyone else for that matter. True friends share there most intimate thoughts, there most private feelings, and we cant do that, theres no way we can. I hope one day I can start talking to you again, because your an angel, and my life is really nothing without you. I dont want you to worry about me, Im going to be fine...once I let all the tears flow, and the pain escape, maybe one day ill be ready to take this journey again. I dont want you to hurt yourself either because of this, it wasnt your fault. Its just me not being a big enough man to overcome my love for you, Its just too damn hard. Im not sure im going to be talk with many people on SF soon, everything is just adding up, I just need a release, I need to cry for days on end. I love you, I always will, please never forget me, ill never forget you. Goodbye Blubs Love Matt xxx
I think this thread should be deleted...I keep reading it, and its triggering :cry: Its also not what Blubs needs right now, in fact its the last thing she needs. I should never have posted this publicly, she doesnt need this...she doesnt need me. Please delete it.
I'm so so sorry matt :sad: I dont want you to say goodbye, why do you want that? Why :sad: ?? I dont understand why you love me, there is not much to like or to love. It will fade away in a few weeks, I know it will. It has too :sad: I want to stay friends, I dont want you out my life. But I guess, if it hurt all too much, its ok. I dont want to hurt you. I dont want to make things harder for you. I shouldnt think about myself and try to keep you as a friend. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry :sad: And now I dont know what to say anymore
The Dalai Lama said something to the effect of, love is worth great risk. You've explored the possibilities of your relationship and found that way not possible right now, I think it is time to let go what you wanted your friendship to be but wasn't possible right now and celebrate what is possible. There's no reason why you can't experience joy and great love for each other without heading down a particular path. It is clear to me that you do care for each other a great deal and Blubs does not want to say goodbye but to love someone unconditionally, be it as a true friend or otherwise, you have to respect the desires of both your hearts, only when they both sing the same song is it ok to move forward. I've always found if you force love then ultimately it spoils it but to remove yourself from another's life can be just as damaging in it's own way as it sets the board for great pain. There's no limit to how deep friendship can go and for the right couples they may be more suited to being lovers but I myself have always preferred friendship, if you tear yourself away from your friends the pain will be far worse than coming to grips with your jealousy.
Robin, what you wrote is very beautiful. I wish Cynthia would read it and realize how much this hurts.
Wow Robin, that was so beautifully put, to sum up into words like that. Yeah, Beautiful, and I agree with him 100%
Its so hard, Ive tried to put a distance between my feelings and and our chats together, but I just cant. I love you, I want whats best for you, but I desire you so damn much. How I can ever balance that? How can I ever listen and be supportive in one sense, without thinking how much I want to be with you at the same time. How can I ever handle people talking about you and him, in a romantic sense, in a sexual sense...and you know its gonna happen, people just dont think and they say things. It just kills me. I wish I had the fortitude to take it, and still be a friend, but I just dont think I have it in me...my love and affection for you doesnt seem to be fading, distance in fact is only make them stronger... I dont know what to do :cry: Im so sorry, I just wish I could be there for you, particularly right now, because I know your really worried about him. Im so sorry Blubs
I believe you are a good person and although it is npot always easy to be good all the time, to do otherwise just pains us terribly. It's not easy to change how we feel, sometimes how we feel eats away at us but we remain largely in control of the decisions we make and right now you have a choice to respect blubs decision in life and supporting her despite the pain you feel. It would be a tragedy to just walk away from a friendship but more so to press the issue. If she has committed herself to someone else then it is up to her suitors to slowly back away and respect her right to choose a life partner, even if that turns out not to be you. Respecting her decision in life and the happiness she has found is the first step to finding your own happiness in the matter and in return free's you to look for someone who shares the same feelings for you as you do them, a truly worthwhile adventure.
I found this thread when I was searching something in the search bar, and I was reminded about how beautiful that is what Robin wrote. I really like it, and it helps me to read it.
