I tried..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Kiba, Jan 21, 2011.

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  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I've tried.. I really have. :cry: I've tried to ask for help.

    I want to see someone about my PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and possible DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder - Multiple Personality) But I cant! If I try to go see someone for it, I loose the program I'm in, and my insurance wont pay for a different service. And I don't have money to pay for one.

    I'm so paranoid. I feel like I can't even go for walks due to a threat I received and also this neighborhood. Since September here I have seen a shooting and 3 suicides! :cry:

    I'm paranoid over my food. I was sick this weekend and went into ER finding out I tested positive for amphetamines! And I don't use any street drugs.. I'm paranoid either someone else tried to poison me, or one of my personalities did. But I'm not sure and if its someone else that did I don't know what could be laced still! And I have no money really left for food.

    I barely make each month financially. I get ssi and food stamps. That leaves me $18 a week to play with from ssi and food money. Not much to live on. Ive tried to get a job. It just seems like no one is hiring. And like I'll never get a job.

    I also thought I knew this guy for 5 years. And I used to make online video games. He was an admin, and he is a jerk. I wont go into too much detail, but I feel like I can't even make any more games!

    I'm just becoming more and more trapped. I see no way out right now. And this seems to be a recurrent theme in my entire life.

    I have no friends except here. All of them end up dead or hating me for no reason.

    Last night only 1 part of me had hope and wanted to live.. Now I'm not even sure they want to after finding out I cant even see a specialist.

    The Hospital isn't an option. I doubt they would understand anyway. And they only trigger parts of the PTSD. Causing things to be worse. And I know this because right before Christmas I went in because I went into a flashback state. And ever since being there, all of this paranoia has become worse. And when I came back, things were stolen. What a nice thing to come back to! :blub:

    What is the point? No one can help me. No one understands. I'm paranoid my other parts of me may even hurt people! Or end up killing us anyway!

    I don't know what else to say. Seems no one in chat does either. :cry:
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Love you :hug:
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Thanks emma :hug: love you too! Thinking College will help me move out of here now. Just got to stay focused on that goal. Thanks everyone for being here for me!
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Just want you to know I'm here if you ever need anything. College sounds like a good goal, something positive to focus on.
  5. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug: and more :hug:

    Thinking of you.
  6. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    :hug: Alwayys here for you Swift x
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    College does sound like a good idea...work on that so that you can have something to look forward to...J
  8. swift, i am sorry for pouring all my negative thoughts into you the other day in instant message (chat room).. I didn't know it will affect you and make you feel worse.. I am so sorry.. I have triggered you.. Sorry pal..

    Please find a job and earn that $$ and move away from that place you are living right now.. yeah.. Please try and i hoped to hear your good news..
  9. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we are here for you.
  10. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

  11. Nima

    Nima Well-Known Member

    Thats great Swift that you're wanting to get help thats a step int he right direction. Keep up the Good Work!
  12. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    What would you go to college for Swift? Ive always wanted to get my criminal justice and have been thinking more and more on online classes.
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