I've tried.. I really have. :cry: I've tried to ask for help.
I want to see someone about my PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and possible DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder - Multiple Personality) But I cant! If I try to go see someone for it, I loose the program I'm in, and my insurance wont pay for a different service. And I don't have money to pay for one.
I'm so paranoid. I feel like I can't even go for walks due to a threat I received and also this neighborhood. Since September here I have seen a shooting and 3 suicides! :cry:
I'm paranoid over my food. I was sick this weekend and went into ER finding out I tested positive for amphetamines! And I don't use any street drugs.. I'm paranoid either someone else tried to poison me, or one of my personalities did. But I'm not sure and if its someone else that did I don't know what could be laced still! And I have no money really left for food.
I barely make each month financially. I get ssi and food stamps. That leaves me $18 a week to play with from ssi and food money. Not much to live on. Ive tried to get a job. It just seems like no one is hiring. And like I'll never get a job.
I also thought I knew this guy for 5 years. And I used to make online video games. He was an admin, and he is a jerk. I wont go into too much detail, but I feel like I can't even make any more games!
I'm just becoming more and more trapped. I see no way out right now. And this seems to be a recurrent theme in my entire life.
I have no friends except here. All of them end up dead or hating me for no reason.
Last night only 1 part of me had hope and wanted to live.. Now I'm not even sure they want to after finding out I cant even see a specialist.
The Hospital isn't an option. I doubt they would understand anyway. And they only trigger parts of the PTSD. Causing things to be worse. And I know this because right before Christmas I went in because I went into a flashback state. And ever since being there, all of this paranoia has become worse. And when I came back, things were stolen. What a nice thing to come back to! :blub:
What is the point? No one can help me. No one understands. I'm paranoid my other parts of me may even hurt people! Or end up killing us anyway!
I don't know what else to say. Seems no one in chat does either. :cry:
I want to see someone about my PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and possible DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder - Multiple Personality) But I cant! If I try to go see someone for it, I loose the program I'm in, and my insurance wont pay for a different service. And I don't have money to pay for one.
I'm so paranoid. I feel like I can't even go for walks due to a threat I received and also this neighborhood. Since September here I have seen a shooting and 3 suicides! :cry:
I'm paranoid over my food. I was sick this weekend and went into ER finding out I tested positive for amphetamines! And I don't use any street drugs.. I'm paranoid either someone else tried to poison me, or one of my personalities did. But I'm not sure and if its someone else that did I don't know what could be laced still! And I have no money really left for food.
I barely make each month financially. I get ssi and food stamps. That leaves me $18 a week to play with from ssi and food money. Not much to live on. Ive tried to get a job. It just seems like no one is hiring. And like I'll never get a job.
I also thought I knew this guy for 5 years. And I used to make online video games. He was an admin, and he is a jerk. I wont go into too much detail, but I feel like I can't even make any more games!
I'm just becoming more and more trapped. I see no way out right now. And this seems to be a recurrent theme in my entire life.
I have no friends except here. All of them end up dead or hating me for no reason.
Last night only 1 part of me had hope and wanted to live.. Now I'm not even sure they want to after finding out I cant even see a specialist.
The Hospital isn't an option. I doubt they would understand anyway. And they only trigger parts of the PTSD. Causing things to be worse. And I know this because right before Christmas I went in because I went into a flashback state. And ever since being there, all of this paranoia has become worse. And when I came back, things were stolen. What a nice thing to come back to! :blub:
What is the point? No one can help me. No one understands. I'm paranoid my other parts of me may even hurt people! Or end up killing us anyway!
I don't know what else to say. Seems no one in chat does either. :cry:
