I tripped and fell over

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by BrinkOfExistence, Jun 15, 2011.

  1. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    metaphorically speaking.

    why is it everytime i'm on the brink of letting her (my ex) go a thought will pop into my head, a thought that i can't even remember now, which brings back all the feelings i had for her.

    Now i can't get her out of my head again, she is inescapable.

    *sigh* i feel stupid talking about how i feel, i've never done it before not about my negative feelings.

    I was so close to self harming today, the closest since i actually self harmed back in November.

    I hear people say that time heals a broken heart, it's been 4 years and i still feel exactly the same now as i did back then, how long do i have to wait?
    Is there something i'm suppose to do? how do i let her go?

    I've heard getting into another relationship might help but....i don't want another relationship, to be honest i don't even want to get back with my ex i just want to be part of her life.

    I want to see her smile again when she sees me, I want her to know that i'll forever be there for her, that she has someone to lean on when things get tough, i want her to believe me when i say those things.

    However i feel selfish, i should just be saying i want her to be happy with or without me being in her life.

    I'm not very good at explaining my feelings and i'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, tomorrow i'll probably feel completely different. :sad:

    Took me half an hour to write this and nearly an hour to decide whether to send it. :unsure: Can't believe my social anxiety expands across to the internet even though no one knows who i am.
  2. Craig

    Craig Banned Member

    Maybe its the idea of 'hope' that you could one day be with your ex again that keeps you hanging on. If thats the case freedom from that could do you a lot of good.
  3. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I know how it is to have a broken heart. I know it is easier said than done, but work on making yourself the best you can be, i.e. study and get good grades, get a good job, work out and get in shape, finish projects, or whatever you can do that will help you feel better and get to the best point you can possibly be. Loving yourself is most important and eventually this will take you to a point where you feel like you don't need her or miss her anymore.
    Also, even though you don't feel like you are at a point where you want another relationship, it really does help. I know the feeling of thinking that somebody can never fill an ex's shoes. When I went looking for love and dating, I never found it. Then, when I thought I could never get over an ex, somebody else came along and made me feel a lot better. Just don't stop believing in love. No matter how many times you get hurt, keep believing. Love can happen again and again and while true love is extremely hard to find, it does exist and we all have to keep believing no matter how much we get hurt. There are good people out there.
    Sorry you are feeling so bad. I know how hard it is to get over and sometimes even moving on into other relationships and loving again, doesn't fix the pain that a certain person caused in my life. I am still affected by exes and it is emotional baggage that we carry. The best we can do is work on ourselves and realize that we can't control other people, but we can control ourselves.
  4. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    By the way, don't feel selfish. It is perfectly normal to feel this way. Also, I always felt that I still wanted them in my life even when I didn't want the relationship. I feel that friendship should be forever. I can never hate or dislike or ignore somebody I once loved. Unfortunately, some people are not as mature.
  5. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    i feel just like you. its been 6 months since my marriage of 20yrs
    fell apart.

    everyone says, "just find someone else,just move on" damn it i
    don't want anyone else..how hard is to understand?

    i'm 41 i spent half my life with her, i decided i wanted a lifetime
    with her,not just until it was over.

    i don't know what to say except, by strong and keep up your
    hope its all you have.
  6. mchung

    mchung Well-Known Member

    I understand the feeling 100%.

    I too, always want to be a part of my ex's life, I know that we are in no ways compatible for each other, I might even hate her for what she did, yet I cannot seem to give up caring for her or forget about her.

    It is so hard. Literally everything I do is for her. Being with another girl is to make her jealous, even if shes not even watching or giving a damn; every time I go shopping I'd have to resist temptation to bring her back some little gift; when I cook, I want her to be there to taste it.

    It is just weird, while it hurts me constantly over and over to the point of suicidal thoughts, I find it enjoyable at the same time. After all, how many people can be like us, having a special someone that we will always care about that is not part of our biological family?

    It is pain that reminds me of her, and it is thoughts of her causing the pain. A never ending loop I stopped fighting long time ago. Embrace the feeling of sadness, and please don't self harm. If you did it right, some part deep inside her heart, she still cares about you, you have to convince yourself that way.
  7. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies people and thanks mchung, i feel better knowing that someone understands how i feel, you pretty much got it spot on about how i feel about her. It's a shame that the only way others fully understand is having gone through themselves.