i triwd

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by deadbent, Jun 2, 2015.

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  1. deadbent

    deadbent New Member

    my girlfriend hid something from me today, she talked to a guy she used to be close with because his bestfriend died, she stopped talking to him because he was being disrespectful to our relationship. i have told her numerous times before "i want you to be straight up with me, i'd respect that alot more than keeping shit from me" but today she decided to try and keep something from me, she talked to the guy she told me she was gonna refrain from talking to, she tried to hide it, the only reason she admitted it was because i figured it out and called her out on it. if she would have told me honestly that she was going to talk to him to see if he was ok, i wouldve been ok with the situation, regardless if they dated online before, i understand that its hard when you lose a close friend, but to try and hide it from the person youre engaged to is another issue, im understanding, i care alot about respect but she didnt even give me the chance to show her that i understand, instead she went behind my back and tried to hide it from me, and also she told me before she didnt want anything to do with him and today she told me she misses him and wants him in his life again, i told her to choose between me and him and she asked me why it threatens me to have her being friends with him, i was honest i told her why, i told her the fact that she tried to keep this from me showed me that i should be threatened by the relationship she had with him, i told her how instead of being honest and giving me a chance to show that i understood the situation showed me that she didnt have any faith in me that i would understand, i used to be a piece of shit person and i have tried to show her that i have changed but she still sees me as that person, and i feel like she cares about him more than the relationship we have because she rarely shows me she cares, she is a selfish person when it cones to her feelings and i have been very patient on that subject, she rarely ever considers how i feel knowing im suicidal and depressed, i love her so much that sometimes im actually scared of dying because i wont spend as much time with her as i planned, and my plans changed for her, i tried committing suicide this weekend and i failed, im glad i failed because i love her, and she loves me, but as of right now i feel like nothing because shes trying so hard to keep him in her life, i told her to choose between me and him and she started questioning me, at first she told me she doesnt miss him and how she never wants to speak to him again but then she's fighting to keep him in her life, i feel betrayed and taken for granted because she said i'd just get over it, but i wont, i wont ever get over it, what should i do, im lost and i need an answer before i find it myself and kill myself
     
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