I truly hate everything

[Lady Byron]

I hate me, I hate my family, I hate everything. I'm stupid, I want to die. But I can't. Cause I'm too pathetic. My chest hurts, I can't breathe and I want to be at peace. But nobody in my FUCKING HOUSE KNOWS HOW TO... help me.I think I might tell my mom about my cutting, cause it's ruining my life. Actually, it helps me a hell of a lot more than this piece of shit I call my life. I might as well slit my writsts or drink acid. Anything would be better than this life. Everyday I hope it's a new day, but it's always the same. always. I don't care anymore. I don't care....

 

[Marshmallow]

Maybe telling your mum about the cutting will help, tell her how you feel then maybe she can find you some help, to stop making you feel this way. i really do hope you consider telling her as i think it will help, you've got alot going in your head right now and telling your mum will help get some of that off you're chest, and then atleast someone will fully understand what your going thru and try help in the best was they can.

take care of yourself, feel free to PM if you ever wanna talk :hug:

vikki x

 

[Lady Byron]

my mom will never understand. i told her i wanted to kill myself and she said, "no you don't." and i screamed at her, "you think you know me! you don't know ANYTHING about me!" and she just told me to stop acting so naive.

 

[Marshmallow]

maybe sit down and talk calmy instead of screaming

sorry i aint much help tonight, i feel like shit myself soooo..... thats all i can say really, try having a serious talk with her

 

[Lady Byron]

i've tried to have so many serious talks with her. but when i tell her how i TRULY feel, she tries to put words in my mouth and gets mad at me for feeling the things i feel. plus, it hurts too much to talk about. i can't tell her i cut or she'll take me to a counselor. i want to talk, but i'm not ready. i want it to be totally anonymous (is that how you spell that???) cause when i do talk about it, it's like tearing off a scab that was trying to heal: at first it doesn't hurt, but after awhile it starts to sting. i don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. i want to thank you for listening though.

 

[Tahiti]

I think I know how you feel...nobody wants to listen to you, right? So hard to get them to listen.

That's sorta the way it's with me. Everyone wants to hear what they want to hear, and distort what I say so that it would make sense to them. This is what happened eight grade:

Like: Mom, I cut myself because it make's me feel better, in some weird way. I can feel everything that was bottled up coming out of the cuts, the pain relieves me, but I'm not a masochist, this is the only way I can cope.

Her: Tell that to your counselor. (not really listening)

Or:

Counselor (to mom): This is just a minor phase your child is going through, it'll be over soon with some treatment.

Me: NO, it's not just a "minor phase." I've always felt this way! It's not just gonna go away like that!

Mom: Be quiet and listen to your counselor!

Now, in 11th grade:

Me: Counselor-free, but nothing's changed. I still feel a bit crappy. Actually, I don't feel much anymore. No pain, happiness, nada. (And it's better this way for me.)

At times I can feel something keenly, enough to want to die, but those feelings are kind of rare now. Now, I'm just living because I have to, because I don't want to face what comes afterwards. Basically I don't feel shit anymore, I just don't care or give a crap. I hope you're not in that stage yet..If you're not, then before you do, get help, pronto! It's better when you're still able to feel something, if even hurt, then nothing at all.