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I try to get my life working again,but probs keep coming

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Regenesis, Jan 5, 2009.

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  1. Regenesis

    Regenesis Well-Known Member

    So here it is.A few days ago I decided to turn my life around.I started to study for school again,I started to practice some sport so I don't get fat again,and I am also starting to talk to others.I even got a normal conversation with a girl(wich is almost imposible for me).But every time I want to make my life better,other things hit me again in my mind.There are 5 in number,and each one lasts until I push it away from my mind,and then other takes its place.

    Right now its the fear of hell again.For those that don't know,fear of hell can also be some sort of mental problem,by considering that the existence and non-existence of God in not really important.As I said,I am atheist,I have read all the bible and I know that God does not exist(others might argue,but that is my opinion).Anyway,the problem is that sometimes I start to get freaked out by the fear of hell,at the slightest chance that God may exist.
    Even if I know it doesn't.And after I read debunking theories and I get convinced again that God doesn't exist,the hate for girls and their sexuality hits me again.After I realize that I don't have any reasons to hate girls and start to see sex as normal again,the fear of death takes me.Although sometimes I want to die,other times I loose all my will to live because I know i'll die anyway.And when I stop fearing death,I become sad because I will never get to see all the tehnologies that will develop(especially sentient machines).
    My mind is always in batle with these thoughts,that come one after another.I really dont know a way to deal with it.

    PS:I am aware that this might become a conflict between atheists and theists,but I hope it doesn't.
  2. MourningAngel

    MourningAngel Well-Known Member

    i'm christian and i'm totally terrified of hell, that's why i push that thought aside and NEVER think about it. but i've also been in this conflict that i just want to die but also want to know what happens in the next few years to this world. all the developement of people and the world, nature. but oh well, i'm still here and i wish i would have killed myself when i was desperate enough to do it. now i'm not suicidal anymore, at least most of the time not, but i think it's a shame i didn't manage to kill myself last year.
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