amylou, The reason people stick their noses in is because they care enough about you to get involved. That should tell you how valued you are. Please do whatever it takes for you to remain safe. Talk to us here and let us help you. We can offer you support in all kinds of situaions. Also, if you are not currently under medical help, consider that as well. You are too valuable to throw your life away. Hang in there. We care. :hug: