Hello, I'm 16-years-old. I'm a high school student. Um... I'm not sure what else I should say. Uh... I'm a guy. Whatever. I've always felt, as far back as my memory takes me, that I don't belong in this world. I've had thoughts of killing myself as young as 5-years-old. I distinctly remember this time when I was 5 and I was climbing a tree. Somehow, maybe a branch broke or something, I fell from the tree and got hurt pretty damn badly. I hit my face on an old radiator someone had left out under the tree and it's the last thing I saw before I lost consciousness. I wasn't out for too long, maybe five or so minutes. But what I saw during those five minutes of near-death I could never forget. First, everything was white. The floor, the walls... I couldn't really see them because all of the white blended together, but I sensed their presence. Anyway, the only thing in the white nothingness was a coat stand thing, only it had hats on it. All sorts of hats. I kept trying them on, but they were either too big or too small. I couldn't find a hat that fit. Finally I find the perfect hat and when I put it on my head, some batteries fell on the ground. That part was pretty weird. I'm not sure where the batteries came from. It seemed like the fell off of me. Anyway, when I put on the hat, it also started to rain, but it was a pleasant rain and there were candles burning and the rain wouldn't put them out. Uh... then I woke up at the hospital. Yeah. So recently, I've been having the same sort of dreams again. The first it re-occurred, I was staring at the radiator in my new room (we just moved out of our old apartment) and I was really tired and I fell asleep. So my dream was similar. Only I just started out with the right hat and I look up and the rain feels all pleasant and I see paper balloons floating in the sky. The balloons have more candles inside of them. It's very pretty. I know it's crazy, but I think the radiators are trying to tell me something. I always fall asleep staring at it and I get that dream. I think that when I die I'll go to a happy place with no problems. I wanna go there. I don't like it here. I don't really belong in this world.