I wanna die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by igorsilva, May 2, 2011.

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  1. igorsilva

    igorsilva New Member

    I think I already gave. I can't live in that reality shit. I'm tired of being hated by those supposed to love me. I'm tired of loving who I was supposed to hate. Let them live in your little world where there is only the Lady GaGa songs, the forced cheerfulness of "brazilian color bands" your reality and full of color and brightness. I know this world is shit. A complete fucking screwed.

    What is the purpose I'm still here? Someone can tell me? Because all I have done these last years is suffering. Sometimes I feel a bit selfish to suffer when I have everything I want, as people work hard to achieve everything in life and are still happy. But I can not get off my chest this rancid, choking cry that (which I force myself to hold on because I know that when the first tear out, the others will follow suit and I'll not stop), this feeling that everything I miss my life here and that makes little or no difference.

    My parents want to pay a therapist 4 me. They want someone else to do in two or three months what they did in eighteen years. They want to pay someone to hear me, just so they can put their head on the pillow at night and sleep at ease, knowing that there aren't good parents, but they certainly are paying someone to be better.

    That's enough! I want to die (and then you will can live).
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Please take them up on that offer - you have nothing to lose by it. It may seem sick and twisted, but I think it does show that they care about you...please keep talking - why do you have such a poor relationship with them?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi sometimes it is better to have someone outside the family hear you a professional can be partial and help you okay whereas a family member is too close to the situation and cannot see clearly accept the help okay start healing now
  4. igorsilva

    igorsilva New Member

    My father betrayed my mother. I know that four years ago and I think deep down he knows that I know. And is charging me a conduct.

    All I have done is stay in my bedroom, reading, surfing on Internet or watching TV. I have no mood to hang out with my friends (they, lately, seem too frivolous). They fight with me for doing nothing! What they wanted, a rebellious son, drunk or high every day?

    They never sent a word of affection. I never wanted to talk with me when I was ill. They said I was doing a short-long problem. I'm an amateur writer and I usually record my feelings in a notebook. One day they found him and swore at me. As if I was guilty about being sad.

    These are some of the problems. It's just a sample. So much has been happening in recent years ...
  5. R Wolf

    R Wolf Member

    Well, to start. I have a really bad relationship with all my family to, so I kind of know how it feels to be betrayed by the people that supposed to love you. But one of the many things that I have learn is that your family can be a problem.

    It sounds kind of sad, but some families just can’t live happy together, and for this are many reasons, this is not your fault or them, is just how things turn up. If you don’t want to hate them, well don’t hate them. But don’t give their opinion much importance.

    I think that you need to stop tormenting yourself of what they think about you and star worrying about what you want for yourself. What is you dream? What you want to experience in life? You don’t come into this world with a purpose, you give your life any purpose you want.
  6. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    It is a good idea to talk to a therapist, there seems to be a lot going on that your parents are emotionally invested in (I read your other post as well) and with their emotions involved, its hard for them to see how you feel. A therapist wont be emotionally involved to begin with and is more likely to have an open mind while listening to you, giving you a valuable source to talk and express yourself with out hesitation. Please consider it and take your parents up on their offer.
  7. Texas

    Texas New Member

    I hear you...I found meds really helped, and a more structured spiritual program, and volunteering more, getting out of myself.
    But then today..I can honestly say I havent been suicidal in 3 years...but today all the pain closed in on me...2 close friends last day at work, they went to other positions, a person buying a house from me didn't pay AGAIN in fact weren't there when I came to pick up payment (AGAIN) and I was stuck in traffic for 2 hrs ...then came home to a bill my husbands secretary was supposed to have paid...I am now paying all of the household bills on my paycheck while she keeps all of my husbands money to keep his business afloat..she just stopped paying the house bills, knowing I would pick it up....but her electricity hasn't been turned off, she still has gas for her car....I am tired, weary, cant pay all these bills myself...and just want it all to go away....the only way I can see this happening is if I off myself...it will all be white like white noise. My dog sleeps right next to me...he can always sleep next to my husband....no one is irrelaceable at work...so someone would do that job....what real place do I play in the scheme of it all anyway? I don't know that anyone would miss me that much...we have <edit moderator total eclipse method> everywhere...texas after all....I reall hurt tonight
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2011
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If s he is not paying her bills time to evict her and get someone in that will pay the bills. There is no nice way around this she cannot keep doing this tell her outright if she is not paid up you will get a court order to evict her and get someone else in. No need to take your life over her inability to pay
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Why is your husband paying for his secretarys gas.. It sounds like things at the office are out of control with her handling all the money..Are you sure she isn't imbezzling money from the company.. Please don't harm yourself..Talk to us and vent your frustrations here..we will listen.. we will offer support where we can..Take Care!
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