I wanna quit...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by karl, Jun 1, 2015.

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  1. karl

    karl New Member

    Hello...
    I was about to call some suicide hotline but I keep crying and having trouble breathing and palpitations... so, I thougth that suicide forum is smarter...
    I'm tired and ashamed of living... I never thought I would reach this point...
    I don't have any "good friends" although I have nice superficial contact with people here and there... and now some of them think I'm crazy...
    I'm not crazy...
    I'm tired, I want this to be over...

    For the past 6 months, I've been dating a guy who became my best friend, but he has a heavy borderline personnality disorder...
    Sometimes he was really cold and cruel with me, but I was trying to remain nice and caring.
    He begged for my help to treat his disorder (no one knows beside me) and I accepted and I was comforting him when he was depressed etc.

    But, after he went to his first counseling session, he acted like his problem was the me, his girlfriend. He started neglecting me... and he was very despising, saying stuff like "why do you care about me?" on a very arrogant tone... and I remain nice and caring... He told his friends that I was hurting him and using him and that I was dependent on him... but I just wanted a nice break-up like we always agreed.

    Instead of breaking-up nicely like we promised each other when we started dating, he despised me for 4 days... then he had a superior tone saying that he wanted this to be over. I said I wanted too, but I deserve respect...
    I welcome him in my house and in my family, and I respect him, so, we should be friendly and say a nice goodbye like we always agreed... he refused for free and said that there is no wonder why I have no friends, he mocked me...

    Now, he acts with our friends like if I was the one crazy...

    I told them the entire story, but they don't seem to believe me...

    I'm so ashame... I'm a mess so I can't explain and no one believes me.
    It's been one month now, and I keep having panic attacks and wanting to die...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    block all contact with him and his friends ok don't let them hurt you you move on to better people who will be you true friends
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have severe borderline personality disorder, that's what you say he suffers from, having BPD is no excuse for being an arrogant ignorant asswipe! I agree with the above post, block contact with him and this circle of friends. What they are doing is not fair you seem like a nice and reasonable person you do not deserve to be treated in this manner at all. I'd also advise you to seek psychiatric treatment because of the panic attacks and depression you are going through. We're here and we a care so keep on talking to us :)
     
  4. karl

    karl New Member

    Thanks... I have been seeing a psychiatrist twice this month, but even with the treatment, I'm not better... I keep crying and I can't sleep...
    My days simply consist in sleeping, watching music videos on youtube, crying and planning my suicide... I don't have the energy to do anything... even eating requires huge efforts...
    He's the only man I ever loved and he met everybody around me... I don't understand... I just wanted us to respect each other.
    I keep seing his "nice ghost" everywhere and I have nightmares about him... how can I get rid of him?
    I don't have good friends... I don't wanna lose our common friends, they are great, just, I'm too tired to explain everything to them...
    The only thing that is calming me is thinking that it will be over soon, once I'll be gone...
     
  5. Love Remember

    Love Remember New Member

    I Karl. Like your quote, "There is a right time for everything... a time to be born and a time to die..." This is not the right time for you. Your time will come, however; you will be surrounded by your family and friends, people who love you and care for you. This is not your time. I know things might seem hopeless, and I know you are in a lot of pain. However, death is not the answer, death is never the answer. I know you said you don't have close friends, but believe me, you do. I am too had been putting my trust in a person that I love, the person that I would take a bullet for, but they turn around and stab me in the back. I can't say I know exactly how you feel at this moment. But I have an idea of how it is. And I know things seem very hopeless. Just remember things WILL get better. I would recommend you go Yoga, meditate, and exercise. Anything that keep your mind off of this situation. Find new hobbies. And I also highly recommend you call one of those suicide hotline. They have professionals that can help you cope with this situation and help you recover.

    Just remember, this is not your time.
    You can email me if you want to talk to me directly.
    I hope you have a wonderful day, and a beautiful life. Love Remember.
     
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    He is the one with the problem- except for considering in the future if you really want to get involved with somebody that from the start of the relationship the need you there just to help them with there problem - as soon as he found other "help" he had no use for you. Which is exactly what it was , him using you. That is not BPD, is just a not nice person. Don't worry about nice- block him from anything and do not speak to or about anymore. Your life will be back to normal in a few days but his issue will become clear with other "friends" as well and they will then understand. :hug:

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
     
  7. Starting Over

    Starting Over Active Member

    Hi Karl,

    He is clearly being manipulative, and I agree with the others who posted, in that you should avoid contact with this person. I have been through something similar and it took a long time to completely get over, but it did happen. And once you do start to get better, you will be so thankful that you didn't do anything rash during this dark period. First loves are especially tough, but you WILL get through this. Grieving is normal when a relationship ends, but if you still cannot function at all and are suicidal, you need to continue to seek help. You will get better! But it takes time and can be a very slow process. But you must continue seeking help until you are better! Find new friends if possible for additional support, talk to your family, spend time doing things you enjoy (even if its hard to enjoy them right now). You WILL get better. If you need to talk more, feel free to message me.
     
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