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I want a break from people

Jsinjin

SF Supporter
#1
I'm terrible with boundaries. I've read the book and versions of it and emotional blackmail and all sorts of things about healthy boundaries but I hate negotiations, hate saying no, I'm a severe introvert and a pleaser and it's a loop I've been in for years. I've become passive aggressive and I'm reaching a point that I want to delete this cell phone and not give out any contact information. I have a company I helped start many years ago and they were bought by private equity. I've said. No no no to many things and they always come back. If they can't reach me it will be a combination of call, email, LinkedIn, WhatsApp and text to try and get my input. I have a full time job at a company where the work is hard,challenging and my career. I left this side company in 2012 and it was resurrected three years sgo. I refused to sign a new agreement with them but it won't go away.

I just want to withdraw for a while and be completely invisible.

I sometimes wonder like it's a wonderful Life what it would be like if I were gone. If I had never been born. Who would they run to with their questions and problems and inputs. That leads me to suicidal ideation and that's not good.
 
#2
I'm sorry you've got to so much trouble with this company.
I've read the book and versions of it and emotional blackmail and all sorts of things about healthy boundaries but I hate negotiations, hate saying no, I'm a severe introvert and a pleaser and it's a loop I've been in for years
Ok, so it sounds like learning to be different or any kind of assertiveness training wouldn't work well because you wouldn't have to just learn to do things differently, the way you feel would have to be different, and it's something that can't just be changed with will power or effort.
I sometimes wonder like it's a wonderful Life what it would be like if I were gone. If I had never been born. Who would they run to with their questions and problems and inputs. That leads me to suicidal ideation and that's not good
It sounds like because you're angry with them, you like the idea of punishing them by being dead, so that they'd have to deal with their problems on their own, and they'd find out they really can't manage without you.
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
It doesn't sound like you have a problem with boundaries. It sounds like the people at the old company are the one's with boundary problem. They don't know when enough is enough. And they have little to no respect for someone trying to move on in their life. Maybe you can write them an e-mail explaining how you feel. It would probably be easier than speaking. You can let various members here look over the email for you to make sure it's just right. Whatever you do, I hope you find a way to move on. Always remember we're here for you.
 

Jsinjin

SF Supporter
#4
That is brilliant!

I'll pen a quick email and see what the thought s are. I don't want to be wishy washy with this anymore because it's impacting more than just me.

A and V:

I am concerned and need to speak with you both about my role and the team at XYZ. When we began talking last year, my role was as a consultant to the organization in IP, R&D direction, preclinical models and Clinical trial design. I have a full time job with my career at PDQ company with obligations to the leadership and my team.

The team at XYZ needs management and I can not be their manager for the defense research or for the manufacturing scale up. They have tight deadlines and very detailed tasks which require guidance and answers to daily questions. While I appreciate the offer to use the offices at XYZ to be near the scientists, my work, home office and home office systems provided by PDQ are a valuable part of my work and can not be replicated. I am also concerned that the XYZ team sees me as their mentor/manager while I am there and this is not a good situation for an employee from a HR or development perspective.

I intend to shift my consulting from an operational management role to a consulting role with the following constraints. 1) setting specific times where I will meet with the scientific team on Monday mornings, Wednesday afternoons and Friday afternoons for review of Sprint and scrum meetings with project management
2) limiting my consulting to the original 10 hours per month beyond the routine Sprint and scrum meetings for questions and calls
3) having


I am proposing that you consider the following:

1) examine the need for a full or part time laboratory/operations manager for the technicians and scientists and hire someone full or part time to mentor and develop the laboratory staff

2) hire a part time project manager with experience in JIRA and connected agile project management to work with he team 4-6 hours per week

3)hire a research director or VP of R&D to handle clinical and defense department research.

Work with me on a part time R&D consulting agreement where my time is pre set for questions, problem solving and development.

I look forward to speaking with you

j
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
That is brilliant!

I'll pen a quick email and see what the thought s are. I don't want to be wishy washy with this anymore because it's impacting more than just me.

A and V:

I am concerned and need to speak with you both about my role and the team at XYZ. When we began talking last year, my role was as a consultant to the organization in IP, R&D direction, preclinical models and Clinical trial design. I have a full time job with my career at PDQ company with obligations to the leadership and my team.

The team at XYZ needs management and I can not be their manager for the defense research or for the manufacturing scale up. They have tight deadlines and very detailed tasks which require guidance and answers to daily questions. While I appreciate the offer to use the offices at XYZ to be near the scientists, my work, home office and home office systems provided by PDQ are a valuable part of my work and can not be replicated. I am also concerned that the XYZ team sees me as their mentor/manager while I am there and this is not a good situation for an employee from a HR or development perspective.

I intend to shift my consulting from an operational management role to a consulting role with the following constraints. 1) setting specific times where I will meet with the scientific team on Monday mornings, Wednesday afternoons and Friday afternoons for review of Sprint and scrum meetings with project management
2) limiting my consulting to the original 10 hours per month beyond the routine Sprint and scrum meetings for questions and calls
3) having


I am proposing that you consider the following:

1) examine the need for a full or part time laboratory/operations manager for the technicians and scientists and hire someone full or part time to mentor and develop the laboratory staff

2) hire a part time project manager with experience in JIRA and connected agile project management to work with he team 4-6 hours per week

3)hire a research director or VP of R&D to handle clinical and defense department research.

Work with me on a part time R&D consulting agreement where my time is pre set for questions, problem solving and development.

I look forward to speaking with you

j
I like it. It doesn't sugarcoat anything. It gets right to the point. And I like the fact that you propose ideas for them.
 
#6
@Jsinjin, I think what you wrote is good. Hopefully, they'll respond well to that.

You might want to include a line like, "The demands that are being made on me are having a severe negative impact on my health and well-being. The status quo is not tolerable."

There's also other strategies you could follow if the letter doesn't work.
 
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